Behind his Back
by Reina Komatsu
Summary: Sequel to: "A Red Apple to the Teacher" Jack is sleeping with John's brother. Without knowing that Jack is unfaithful to him, John tries to find comfort in his husband after he has got raped by a stranger but is falls into a depression again when Jack unintentionally rejects him.
1. Chapter 1

_Thank you Lastsyns for beta'd the story, you're awesome as always :)_

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"You can't go to a bar with a bow tie, and you know it," John said, laying over Christopher, so his younger brother was pinned down on the desk in his and River's room. Chris was only wearing his briefs and was half done buttoning his shirt. They were on their way to a grownup night out without the children. Amy, River's mother was going to take care of the children for the evening.

Chris was struggling and fighting to get out of his brother's grip. He didn't stand a chance against his big brother, even if he was the more athletic one of the brothers. "Let me go, bow ties are cool," he cried out defending his blue with white polka dots bow tie, with his life. The bickering was normal for the brothers and it often became physical.

"It literary says: 'Hi I'm stupid and innocent, drug my drink now and rape me. I'm too stupid to understand what's happening.' Seriously it looks like a cry for help." Chris gave his brother a death glare, still not giving up on his bow tie. "You're just jealous of my cool style. Plus River likes it and it's my birthday!"

John gave his brother a long look, to show him how stupid he was some times.

"What?"

"I don't think she does and I don't care whose birthday it is, now take it off," he said and was once again trying to pull it off. They were to deep in their bickering and fighting to notice someone else's presence in the room until they heard a clicking, like someone just took a picture with a phone. The brothers turned their heads towards the direction where the sound came from.

"Don't stop, it was actually getting kind of good. John I didn't know you had a thing for your brother. You should have told me sooner. You know that I'm generally okay with your fetishes and support you all the way," Jack said and was sending the picture to River who was talking to her mother down stairs.

"Behave Jack!" the brothers said in each other's mouth before John pulled away from his brother with a faint blush on his cheeks. He looked disturbed as usual when Jack joked about his relationship with his little brother. John swallowed and was quick with a comeback, he was used to Jack's teasing by now.

"I'm glad you have something to jerk off with now when you're going to spend the rest of the weekend on the sofa." Jack's mouth just fell open and he watched his husband with a desperate look. "But that's too harsh, you know I can't sleep without you in my arms. John, please don't do this to me!" John gave his pleading husband a kiss to show that he was forgiven.

"Chris hurry to dress yourself, we will wait for you in the hall," John said and walked down to the hall, hand in hand with Jack. They had been married for almost ten years, he was in his mid-forties but he still looked young and fresh.

Jack was attacked by their oldest daughter of the twins, Joanie, who refused to let go of his leg. The girls would soon be five and Joanie was clingy as ever unlike Violet who was spending her time with Chris and River's son and daughter. She loved her fathers but enjoyed more the company of other kids.

"I don't want you to go, please papa don't leave me alone. Take me with you," She was pleading and started to cry. They had tried to put them to sleep before they left but she must have woken up. Joanie was a real daddy's girl and didn't want to leave her fathers.

"Now pumpkin, you need to stay here and take care of your sister. Can you do that for me?" he asked his little girl and she nodded. Jack gave her a kiss on the cheek and ruffled her hair a bit.

"Go back to Violet, we will be home when you two wake up tomorrow, I promise." Joanie hesitated for a while, she looked afraid.

"But what about the vashta nerada?" she sounded scared. John gave his husband a disappointed look and sighed to himself. He hated it when Jack told the kids scary stories so they couldn't sleep.

"The Vashta Nerada are sacred of daddy. They know I would never forgive them if they ate my daughter," John told her but picked her up in his arms and carried her in the bedroom where Violet was sleeping. He laid her down beside her sister and kissed her forehead before he told her good night and to sleep well.

John gave Jack a really dark look when he came out. He closed the door after him. "You shouldn't tell them about that kind of scary stuff. It really gets in their heads."

"But she asked me to tell them about it." He tried to defend himself but was sounding more like their little brother then his husband. John was questioning who should be disciplining whom in their relationship. Jack was still spanking him whenever he felt like John deserved it, but they made sure that the children were asleep, outside or with River and Chris.

Chris was soon fished changing clothes and was heading down the stairs. He was wearing an almost purple waistcoat, a white shirt, black trousers, a bow tie and a purplish coat. Jack couldn't stop staring at his husband's brother. He looked stunning and Jack felt like a fool. His heart was beating hard and he felt a little dizzy. He fought the urge to kiss John's brother, Jack didn't want to destroy his relationship with John.

John was smiling at his brother. "Don't tell me your wearing suspenders under the waistcoat." He pointed out to his brother who stuck out his tongue.

"How else should I keep my trousers on?"

"I think it looks wonderful sweetie," River told him and kissed her husband. She had entered the room without them noticing her. "Well, shall we head off? I'm aching to try out my new high heels"

"Well then, Allons-y!" John exclaimed happily as they walked out to the car. He had agreed to not drink that night so he could drive them home. They knew River would make her husband drink through out the evening, even if they all knew Chris hated the liquid. It was his birthday, and he was going to have some fun.

John drank some fresh water with lemon while he watched his husband, brother and brother's wife drinking alcohol. He had danced with his little brother, but decided to let him sit down when Chris was using him to stand up. The alcohol was kicking in, River had succeeded to make her protesting husband really drunk.

John felt sick and dizzy. The whole room was spinning in his head and he didn't even notice how his husband was flirting with his brother, who was using his wife's chest as a pillow and was rambling about random stuff. He stood up and didn't know if he managed to tell Jack that he was feeling weird and he was going to get some air. He must have looked really drunk when he couldn't walk straight and he was almost bumping in to strangers.

John didn't understand how he made it outside the bar but he was standing against the wall and was breathing fast. His body felt weak and out of his control like he was really drunk. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He had only been drinking water and he would have noticed if Jack changed his liquid to alcohol. But when he did think about it, the water did taste a bit funny. Maybe it was something in the water.

His thoughts stopped as someone grabbed his shoulders, and was holding him in a tight grip. It was hard for him to understand what the man was saying to him.

"There you are, Doctor. I heard what your friends call you, must say it's pretty exciting to meet a Doctor outside a hospital. A really pretty doctor if I may add. I was wondering when the drug would kick in. I started to get worried that your cute little boyfriend noticed that you had been drugged or that you were being a clever doctor and noticed the drug. It was little too easy to slip it down in your drink." John didn't recognize the voice, it was someone he had never met before. He felt like his head was filled with a cloud and he didn't notice as the stranger dragged him deeper into the dark alley. He couldn't fight back as the man lowered his pants, just enough to have his way with him.

John could feel the pain as the other man moved inside him. He felt disgusted but was too weak to even say a word. The drug was affecting him too much. He didn't know how long it had been, but it felt like an eternity to him. The stranger had given him a black eye and beaten him up pretty badly. It came as a surprise when he was alone, lying on the hard ground shaking with fear and the cold. He didn't dare to move and was only crying silently to himself as he waited for the drug to stop affecting him. He didn't know how he would face Jack after what had happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack helped Chris to a hotel. The man was too drunk and the best thing to do was to get him to a bed. River wanted to continue partying and she trusted Jack to get her sweetie home. When the car was gone and John didn't answer his phone he decided to rent a close hotel room. Chris was far too drunk to be on a bus and he was to drunk himself to even think of a cab. He was furious at John for going home without them and taking the car.

He tried to send a message to River where they were but it was hard to type when he was drunk. He finally managed to send a somewhat understandable message. Jack was checking out Chris body again as the man laid in the double bed that he had accidentally ordered. He didn't want to complain and planned on sleeping on the sofa, but Chris was conscious enough to tell him to share the bed. Chris was only wearing his shirt and undergarments and it was turning Jack on. He had never even thought about John's brother in that kind of way before he had seen the younger of the brothers in a waistcoat. Chris looked more mature than before. Jack tried to shake the feeling off and turned away from Chris to sleep.

Jack had a hangover when he woke up the next morning. The room smelled of sex. The smell told Jack exactly what had happen the night before, even if he was too drunk to remember it. Chris was still only wearing his shirt. He sat under the covers and was hugging himself. It reminded him of John, they resembled each other sometimes.

Chris looked like he was blushing. He was embarrassed about what had happened. He knew River would shoot him dead if she ever found out what happened. Actually he preferred to be killed by River than abused by River's mother, Amy. The Scottish woman scared him, even if they were close friends.

"Jack…" He started and looked like he wanted to die. He was disappointed with himself for sleeping with John's husband. John would hate him for the rest of his life. "I'm so sorry. I was drunk, what happened was a mistake. Let's never talk about it again. It would kill John."

Jack nodded in agreement. "It would ruin our marriages, I can't do it to the children."

They looked in each other's eyes, as tension was starting to build up between them. Jack's heart almost stopped when he was understood what was happening. He kissed Chris and touched the other male's body. Chris kissed him back and held his arms around the other man's waist. Jack could feel what a great kisser he was. The other man almost tasted like his favorite dish, Fish fingers and custard. He blocked all his thoughts about John and let his body act on its own. Even if it was wrong, it still felt right.

Jack reached for the tie he had used the night before, John wanted him to look classy. Chris was watching as Jack placed his hands behind his back and bound them tight together, almost blocking the blood from his hands. He wasn't afraid and kissed his brother's husband again to show him that it was alright. He let Jack be in control, it felt reassuring and a little good. He agreed to everything the other man wanted to do with him. Jack hadn't understood until now how much he missed bondage in his sex life. Chris could give him what John couldn't give him.

Chris was moaning while Jack moved inside him. He was standing up and facing the wall. Jack's body was tightly pressed against his. Jack pulled his hair, forcing him to look in Jack's eyes. He had never done anything like it before. River was dominate, but Jack was taking it to another level. Chris felt bad that he enjoyed getting fucked by his brother's husband. It was wrong in almost every way, but it still felt right.

Chris was starting to get tired. The only thing keeping him up was Jack. He felt empty when Jack freed his hands and pulled out of him. Before Jack could apologize for his behavior, Chris had already pulled the other man over himself in the bed and was kissing him again.

"More," he pleaded. He succeeded in making Jack hard again. Jack was out of control. He couldn't stop himself, even if he wanted to. The way Chris kissed him and the pure desire in the other man's eyes could even cause the strongest person to fall for him. He had to admit, Chris's sexuality was more messed up then he could ever believe about the naive bow tie wearing man.

Jack was more careful with the other male. He kissed him as he moved inside him again. He was taking it slow but Chris moaned at him to move faster. He felt Chris place his legs around Jack's body to get the other man deeper inside him. Jack didn't think it through when he began to suck on Chris's neck. He was giving him a noticeable love mark. River would definitely notice it when they finally made it home.

Chris was limping behind him when they exited the hotel. They didn't talk to each other as they were on their way home. It was only a 45 minutes long walk home. They were about to part with each other outside the door, but Jack kissed Chris again. He pushed Chris up against the door and they were kissing each other only stopping to get air. Chris grabbed his shirt and dragged him inside the empty apartment. He ignored to note on the refrigerator from his wife, telling him that she had taken their kids and his brother's children on a trip to the zoo.

Jack pushed him down on the sofa. He was kissing Chris and started to strip the other male again. They both knew that what they were doing was wrong and unfair to their partners but neither of them could stop them selves. Jack doubt this would be the last time he would sleep with his husband's brother.


	3. Chapter 3

John was lying on the cold hard ground. He didn't know how long he had been lying there but he didn't dare to move. He was afraid of almost everything, all he wanted was to have Jack there for him. He didn't notice the tears that were falling down from his cheeks.

The drug's effect had stopped and he was getting back control over his body. It hurt to stand up, and it felt like it was going to kill him when he moved. He panted heavily as he tried to dress himself and go back to the bar. John wanted nothing more than to go home and wash every little trace of the stranger from his body. He didn't even notice that he was shaking as he stepped inside the bar, keeping his distance from Jack, Chris and River. He watched them having a good time from a safe distance, they wouldn't even notice him. He didn't know how he could face his family after what had happened to him.

John made his way to his coat when Jack and River left Chris for a while, probably to go and buy some new drinks. His brother was too drunk to notice him when he grabbed his coat that was laying under Jack's WWII coat. He almost burst out in tears when he made eye contact with Chris. His brother looked somewhat concerned in his drunken state. Chris grabbed his brother's wrist as he tried to say something but John pushed him away so the drunken man fell to the floor.

John prepared to leave the bar with quick steps, but waited as he saw Jack running over to Chris side. He could see how Jack helped the drunken man back to his chair.

"Chris, who pushed you?" Jack asked and sounded angry. He was always protective when it came to his friends and family. Chris looked at John before the other man turned away to leave. Jack was too drunk to see it was him.

"Was it the bastard over there?" Jack said, cracking his knuckles as he prepared for a fight outside the bar. Chris grabbed Jack so he wouldn't do something reckless.

"No, I just fell." John didn't hear anymore. He left the building and opened the car with his keys. He hadn't meant to push his brother, he had only tried to get away before Chris saw him break down in tears. He didn't want his brother to see how weak his big brother was. He got in to the car and drove home as he struggled to keep his tears in.

John hurried inside the house, he didn't even care to lock the door. He stormed in to the kitchen and searched for a sharp knife but only found a worthless pair of paper scissors that belonged to the girls. Jack hadn't locked away the sharp objects because of his suicide attempt some years ago. It was so the kids didn't accidentally hurt them selves. Jack had the only key to the drawer where they stored all the sharp kitchen objects, maybe Jack still didn't trust him after the suicide attempt. John screamed in frustration, the scissors were useless. He was breaking down on the kitchen floor when he heard the door opened. He thought Jack was back. Jack would destroy everything. He wouldn't let him harm himself in anyway.

"Jack, stay away from me. Don't look at me!" John screamed to the hall in an attempt to keep his husband away. He didn't want him to see him broken again. It had taken him a long time to heal last time he had broken, he didn't want him to put him through it again.

"Good thing I'm not Jack." He became pale and began to cold sweat when he recognized to voice. John tried to back away when he saw his rapist enter the room. It felt like he was drugged again. He could do nothing as the stranger grabbed him and pinned him down on the kitchen table, using John's tie to bind his hands over his head so he couldn't struggle. John was starting to panic. He wanted the psychopath to get off him.

"You were so beautiful, I couldn't just leave you. I wanted you again so I followed you home, pretty Doctor," He said as he kissed John. John was stiff but gave the other males lip a bite to keep him away. The stranger punched him hard in the face, making him see stars.

"And I was going to go easy on you, looks like I don't have a choice but to be rough." John tried to block out the stranger as he moved inside him for the second time that evening. He felt even dirtier than before when his rapist were finished. The stranger let go of his hands so he could move them again. John was too afraid to even speak. It was terrifying that it had happened in his house. He was just glad the children were out, who knew what the horrible man could do to them.

"The name is Rickston Slade, keep your eyes opened. I'll maybe be back. I don't think WWII is the right man for you," the man said, as he left the house. Making John more paranoid than ever. He was shaking again and only stared at the stranger as he made his way out.

John didn't know how long he lay on the floor. He just wanted to die right there, but he used all his strength and will power to raise himself up. He made his way with heavy steps to the second floor where their bathroom was. He was close to blacking out but made it into the bathroom. He grabbed the closest razor which happened to be Jacks. The girls were't allowed in there without their parents because of all the dangerous equipment, they had a safer bathroom down stairs.

The razor lay beside him on the bathtub as he sat in it, hugging his own legs. He felt numb inside. His tears had finally stopped falling. John grabbed the razor and cut down in his wrist, not too deep but still deep enough to bleed. Both his wrists were bleeding as he let his head float in the water. He didn't felt as numb anymore. It was relaxing in a way.

John was starting to feel dizzy from the blood lost, but before he could pass out he patched himself up and dressed himself. He stumbled down the hall to their bed room and passed out there for the night.

John was woken up by Jack the next day. He still felt empty from everything that happened the night before. His wrists hurt, but it hadn't bleed through. That meant that Jack didn't know what he had done, which was for the best. He wanted to tell Jack, but he was afraid of the possibility that Jack would blame it on his weakness and worthlessness. Men shouldn't be raped, and definitely not twice the same day.

"Where the hell were you last night? You left us in the bar. I had to drag your drunken brother to a hotel because you had left us and took the car." Jack sounded like he was really angry at him and John couldn't blame him when he thought how it must have looked like for Jack. He felt empty and broken as he looked at Jack. He wished he had gone all the way the night before and killed himself. He didn't want to live with what had happened and he was afraid to talk with Jack. He was afraid it would happen again. The man knew where they lived now. But Jack was always someone he could trust. The man had made him feel better and more comfortable in other situations.

"Jack… I need to talk with you…" He said with a low voice but Jack ignored him and grabbed his left wrist and dragged the broken man to the office where Jack always punished John. Jack hurt him a lot but he didn't fight back. He could see that Jack was furious at him and went pale as Jack chose the riding crop. He was shaking as he got the feeling that he was about to pass out, but managed to stay in control so the fear didn't take over.

"Take off your pants and underwear and bend over" John did has he was told, knowing it would be painful.


	4. Chapter 4

John looked at himself in the mirror as he was getting himself ready for the day. He didn't find joy in fixing his hair like he did every morning. Jack loved his hair when it defied gravity but as Jack didn't notice his hair anymore, he had stopped putting care in it. He just let it be this day. It didn't look like him, but it wasn't as if Jack would care.

He entered the bed room to dress himself where Jack still was still half asleep. He didn't even look at his husband.

"I'll go down and make breakfast, be down in 30 minutes," he said as he turned to the door but stopped when he heard Jack groan.

"John, please," he begged. John knew what Jack wanted, and he never turned his husband down. He undressed himself and crawled in beside Jack in the bed. His husband was already over him and didn't prepare him as he slipped inside him to take care of his morning problem. Jack didn't look at him as he was moving so he couldn't see how afraid John was. He was too far lost to the pleasure to notice the tenseness of his husband.

John tired his best to remind himself that it was Jack, but he was always thinking about Hart. Rickston had triggered his past fears. He was relieved when Jack was finished, he was close to breaking down. He dressed himself again and hurried down to the kitchen. He tried to pull himself together before he would wake up the girls. Joanie wanted French pancakes for breakfast so he prepared a batch of pancake batter the night before so the batter could get a nice texture. He grabbed some bananas from the TARDIS and other fruits and berries to serve with the pancakes.

John was whipping the cream when Violet entered the room. She held Mr. Skippy, a pink bunny toy, in her hand as she watched her father preparing their breakfast.

"Can I taste it?" She asked with a soft voice. Violet wasn't as straight forward as her sister and didn't chat with her parents as much as Joanie, but she loved whipped cream as much as Jack and was always asking to taste it when her father was making whipping cream. John tried to give her a smile as he gave her the beater so she could lick it.

"Can you get your sister for me?" John asked her when she gave the clean beater back to him. She only nodded to him and went to fetch her sister. He was wiping away tears when Jack entered the room, fully dressed and in a good mood.

"I'll take the kids to kindergarten today. Pancakes on a Wednesday, with cream and berries? You're spoiling us." Jack sat down and began to read the morning paper when the girls entered the room. Joanie was talking high and proudly as always.

John was just watching as his family ate their breakfast. He tried to eat his banana but just the thought of food made his stomach twist. He put the banana in his bag, in case he wanted it later. Jack was too busy eating to notice him skipping food. He hadn't eaten in a while but he wasn't at all hungry.

"Jack, I'm free in the evening. I was thinking about eating outside." John had a lot to do at work and home after work involving work, but he felt like he needed some alone time with Jack and to talk with him without the kids. He was breaking and he needed to talk with his husband. Jack gave him an apologizing look.

"I'm sorry, but I promised your brother I'd help him to redecorate their house. River is tired of the furniture so I said I would help him move the heavy stuff. I'll be late," Jack explained making John sad. He didn't show Jack how bad he had taken it and just pressed his left thumb down on his bandaged wrist under the table. It hurt, but it was nothing like he felt inside. John knew he was over reacting, Jack could spend time with his brother if he wanted. He should be happy that his husband's best friend was his brother.

"Can you pick up Joanie and Violet today? I'm busy" John asked when he had calmed himself down a bit. He planned to swim in the lake after his work to get his mind set on other things.

"I thought you said you were free." Jack wasn't even looking at him as he took a piece of pancake in his mouth and chewed it. He took the last of the whipped cream, without even seeing that Violet stretched for it. She didn't say anything and almost began to cry until Joanie gave her the last of her cream with a big smile on her face.

"I changed my mind," John said with an irritated tone.

"Fine," Jack answered almost angrier than him.

"Fine!" They were almost shouting at each other, making the girls afraid.

"I'll walk," John said and picked up his bag. He hugged his daughter's good bye and gave Jack a kiss on the forehead to show the girls that they weren't fighting.

"Don't tell me you're going to the lake, it's still too cold outside." John gave him an almost cold glance.

"What are you going to fucking do about it, spank me?" He said it to make Jack angry at him and drag him to the office and punish him for using bad words in front of their children and giving him attitude. He had gotten away with so much over the past week, things that he normally would be punished for.

"Do as you like, you are a grownup." Jack was turning a page in the paper. He didn't look a bit bothered about what John had just said in front of the girls. John stepped outside to breathe the fresh air in. He was upset and confused when Jack didn't put him in his place. He was to use the disciplining so he didn't know how to behave without it.

John hadn't enjoyed the day as he used to. He tried to be his normal teacher self but it was hard to keep the mask on when he felt bad inside. He didn't teach with the passion that he was famous for. He was resting his head on the desk. He was tired and he knew why, but he still didn't want to eat something. He had thrown up when he tried to eat the banana for lunch. John knew he needed to get something in him soon, he always felt like he was about to faint when he stood up.

It was soon time for a performance appraisal with his student, Mr. Slade, so he needed to get the classroom ready for the meeting. He rose from his desk but was quick to grab it when he felt that he was falling down towards the ground. His head was spinning and everything was dark for a moment. He was a little too close to fainting.

John managed to prepare the tables into a nice square so he and the student could sit on one side and his parents could sit on the other side. He put on a fake smile when he heard footsteps in the corridor but it disappeared and was replaced with pure fear when he saw Rickston Slade. He knew Rickston saw the fear in his eyes. He fought the urge to run away as fast as he could. It was impolite and it still was a chance that it wasn't him. It would be unfair of him to blame the man for something that he hadn't done.

He still hesitated and felt an unpleasant shiver in his spine when he shook the man's hand.

"I believe we have met before. You're John Smith, am I right? I thought you were a Doctor, your friends called you Doctor." John was trying to hid his unpleasantness to his student as he showed them where they should sit. "Looks like you lied to me."

"It's Doctor John Smith, I'm a Doctor in math and physics." He tried to act confident like usual and managed well. He kept his cool image the whole time he talked about Rickstons son's progress in school. He was relieved when the meeting was over and was about to get his stuff so he could get to the lake as soon as possible.

"Dr. Smith, Can I talk to you. In private? It's about my son," Rickston asked making John wanting to scream 'no' and run away from his rapist as fast as he could, but he knew he couldn't turn him down if he really wanted to talk about his son. John swallowed and nodded.

"Of course, we can take it in my office." He suggested and showed the other man to his private little office. John was a little alarmed when Rickston sent his son home, and he was about to turn around and ask Rickston to leave when the other man overpowered him and pushed him inside the little room. John saw how Rickston locked the door, his heart was beating hard and he was breathing fast. "Get away from me!" He screamed but became quiet when Rickston hit John's head in to the teacher's desk making the man lose conscious.

John felt pain when he woke up. He could feel someone moving inside him as he could think clearer. It hurt and he was about to try to push the other man away but couldn't. His hands were tightly tied behind his back. They were itching from the blood losses. He tried to tell the man to stop but could only feel something in his mouth and covering it, preventing him from talking and screaming. He wished for still being unconscious and as the pain became too much for him, he lost conscious again.

Rickston was dressing himself when John woke up again. He was looking at his rapist with a tired look. He had lost conscious more times than he could remembered during the rape session making it hard to understand how long time it actually had been. But judging by the time it was he could guess almost an hour. The man had untied him and put his clothes back on.

"You missed almost all the fun, too bad for you. But I have great news for you. I'll visit you tomorrow in your house. Be sure that WWII will be out so the house is empty, I don't want someone to ruin our date." John felt sick when he heard what the man said. He waited almost an hour before he got enough strength to go home. He needed to talk to his husband about what was happening. He couldn't keep it behind his back anymore. It felt like it was his own fault that it kept happening to him, over and over again.

Jack left the house almost the same time as John stepped inside the house. Jack didn't look to happy with him.

"Where the hell have you been? It is dinner time soon for the girls." John lost all his courage to tell him about Rickston. He kept his mask on and tried not to break in front of his husband.

"In the lake, swimming." He lied, and Jack was getting more irritated as planned, but he calmed himself down and did not act like he usually did. He only nodded.

"I'll leave food to you in the kitchen, you know how the microwave works," he said as Jack left the house. Joanie was almost instantly on him has he entered the living room door. She was holding his leg and was almost crying.

"Daddy, are you going to leave us?" She asked and refused to let go of his leg. He tried to smile to her and tell him that he wasn't going anywhere but he couldn't lie to them. He was once again having thoughts on killing himself, but the family kept him going.

"Are you hungry?" The girl only nodded and he lifted her up in his arms. "Then you can help daddy to make dinner"

John taught her how she could cut the vegetables. He had given her a small child friendly knife so she could cut them without him worrying about her cutting her fingers off. He talked with the girls as they ate their lasagna and autumn salad for dinner. Violet was as usual quiet as she ate but Joanie's mouth was going like her daddy's.

"Daddy, aren't you going to eat?" She asked when she realized that her father wasn't eating.

"I've already eaten," he lied and felt a bit guilty. Jack had zero tolerance about him lying and he should already be bending over the desk with his pants down.

John watched the girls playing when he was cleaning up the dishes and the oven after him. Both him and Jack liked the kitchen spotless. He read them a story before he turned their little night lamp on and left the girls in the room so they could sleep.

He sat in the living room in his red armchair, and was correcting test when he his head began to hurt. He felt weak again. John raised and decided to take some painkillers and eat something. He got the dizzy feeling again but it didn't pass like last time. He struggled to stay up and was using the wall as support when he stumbled in the kitchen. He hit the floor hard.

John opened his eye and saw Jack looking down at him. He was lying in the bed and Jack looked pissed at him. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Today." He didn't look his husband in his eyes when he was lying to him. Jack didn't seem to notice, or care about his eating habits anymore. He just stripped himself and placed himself over John. He didn't notice how much John was panicking under him.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack tried to let Chris's head rest against his chest, but the other man didn't seem interested in cuddling with his lover. They were watching a movie at Jack's place just to try to do something else besides sleep with each other. There had been a long awkward silence between them before Jack decided to play a movie. They were alone, John was at the school. Jack didn't really know why, it had something to do with a student. To be honest, Jack hadn't even been listening to his husband that morning.

The movie ended. Chris was just watching Jack as he was trying to figure out something to say. They weren't used to just hanging out, they had always had River and John, who they both knew better. "Do you want to play a game?"

Chris nodded. "I don't like violence in games." He reminded Jack like John always did. Jack understood the pacifistic way to think ran in the family. He chose an old school game, something about stealing and stunning guards. It was boring Jack to tears but it kept Chris interested, he was surprisingly good at it to which annoyed Jack a little. Jack was soon way to bored of the bad graphics and switched to a newer FIFA game. They both liked Soccer so Chris should like FIFA.

Jack was a bit irritated that Chris was better than him, even in a soccer game. He was tired of Chris being better than him at everything they did. He was just too perfect. Jack wanted to find something he was better at, but he never seemed to find it. He could already scrap the thought of chess. He had seen the brothers play chess together. He had a hard time keeping up and understanding their moves, even if John had taken a lot of his time to teach Jack strategies and tactic in a chess game, the teacher still loved to teach his student. Jack would even sometimes bring a red apple just to relive their first year together when they were student and teacher. It wasn't until he had seen them play for the first time, that he understood that John was holding back.

"I can't believe I lost again. You're always beating me," Jack said annoyed. He knew Chris was enjoying his victory, but he never rubbed it in Jack's face. He was always so gentle about his victories, but Jack could feel how proud Chris was. Chris was what he would call an attention whore. He would have never guessed it the first time they met in the hospital some years ago, but Chris really liked to be in the spot light. He really didn't understand how River could deal with him. But then again John to liked the spot light as much as his brother, it could be a problem sometimes but they usually just feed on each other's energy making them both more hyper.

Chris kissed him when he felt the frustration from Jack. They failed to just hangout like two normal friends. They could never make it, they had really nothing in common expect football, but their sexual chemistry was perfect. They knew exactly what the other person needed and craved without even having to communicate with each other. They were in other word, the perfect sex buddies, but nothing more. Jack was touching him and they soon forgot about the games they were playing and the irritated feelings. It was like it never had happened.

Jack was stripping the other man on the sofa. Neither of them really cared where they were doing it, they just wanted to do it when they were in the mood. It was just like the night before when Jack picked him up in the SUV, he would sometimes do it for some hot sex in the car after practice. It had been raining and Chris was soaking wet when Jack saw him. The soccer clothes just made him want to have him even more. Chris was the forbidden fruit, just like John had been when he had been his teacher. They had only looked at each other before they made out in the cold rain. Neither of them had nothing against messy sex on the dirty pitch in the rain.

The sex was wild, but they didn't do anything kinky. It was just messy sex to still their sexual needs for each other. Jack was holding Chris down to be in control as he moved. They would sometimes have a struggle about the control, but Jack usually maintained it. They were kissing a lot as they both felt how near they were. Chris screamed Jack's name as he came hard. He went limp after it as Jack continued to move. His body was reacting weird, but Jack was too far in his ecstasy to notice something before he laid himself with his arms around Chris on the sofa.

Chris was still shaking in pleasure, but Jack could notice that something was wrong just from the way that he was just laying there and staring up at the ceiling. He tried to shake some life in him but he continued to just stare.

"Chris? Is everything alright? Hey, look at me." Chris's gaze moved from the ceiling and was focusing on Jack. The emotionless stare scared him, it reminded him of the nights when he woke up and his husband, still in his depression, had a mental breakdown. Jack had always had to keep him on an extra close suicide watch during those nights. He was lucky to not have to experience it again, it was really draining him mentally.

"Can you hear me? Chris, talk to me." It looked like Chris was thinking hard while he watched Jack, like he tried to figure something out. He looked around the room confused.

"Jack where am I?" Jack couldn't believe his ears, he thought Chris was just joking, but the confused look showed that he was serious. Something had happened to Chris while they had been sleeping with each other.

"In my and your brother's house, remember?" Chris looked more confused. He was thinking long and hard while he was searching the room.

"Who?" he asked with a muddle voice.

"Your brother, John," Jack answered, it still didn't ring any bells for Chris. He thought for a while. He feared the worst, but didn't want to conclude something so fast. He could be wrong.

"Do you remember River Song?" Chris shook his head. He was focusing on Jack. Jack was the only safe thing to look at for the moment.

"She is your wife, that's why your surname is Song." Chris laid his head on the sofa. He was slowly becoming more and more confused. It was just a matter of time before he would begin to panic.

"My surname is Song?" Jack really didn't want whatever was happening to be true. He felt sick but kept calm for Chris's sake.

"What is your surname if it's not Song?" Chris was thinking for a long time. He opened his mouth but closed it like he didn't know. Jack's theory was right, he didn't want to be right this time. Chris had somehow gotten amnesia during the act. "Do you know your name?"

"You called me Chris. I'm Chris." Jack was reminded that an orgasm could sometimes cause a temporally amnesia, but it was mostly women that were affected by it. He had only heard about women who got it. Chris was most defiantly a man.

"Do you know me Chris?" Chris nodded. Jack was relieved when he saw the answer.

"Okay, good. Then trust me. You need to rest. I promise you will feel less confused tomorrow," he said and offered the disorientated man his hand. He led him to his bedroom after Chris accepted his hand. Jack made sure that Chris was comfortable in the bed. "Just call if you need anything, I'll be down stairs. Sleep well."

Jack considered calling Martha, his old friend from School. He didn't want to bother her, and she knew about his marriage to John. She could easily figure out his affair with John's brother if he asked her about it. Jack made a decision. If Chris was still confused the next morning, then he would call her. He couldn't risk his brother's health just because he was afraid of getting caught.

Feeling a little better, Jack laid down on the sofa. It was really late now and John was nowhere to be seen. The girls were asleep in their beds. He waited for John a little while, but soon drifted off to sleep.

The first thing Jack could see when he woke up was Chris, standing beside him with his arms crossed.

"Jack, what happened to me last night?" Jack smiled when he understood that his lover was himself again. He was glad that he didn't need to call his old friend.

"I fucked you so hard that the only thing you could remember was me. How are you feeling?" He was of course concerned about Chris. Chris was his sex buddy after all.

"Head hurts, back hurts, everything hurts" He whined and was limping to the kitchen to get some aspirin to kill his headache. He knew were they kept the drugs. Chris never planned to stay the night, he needed to get home to his wife, where he belonged. He was on his way out when a sick looking John entered the house. Both the brothers looked horrible. Both of them wanted to ask what was wrong. Neither of them wanted to talk about what had happened to them, so they kept silent. They just stared at each other for a while before Chris limped out of the house and John limped in. John just gave him a suspicious look.


	6. Chapter 6

Chris was drinking from his water bottle that River had prepared earlier for his practice. There were some extra vitamins and proteins in the water so that he could perform better. He knew the water would taste different from clean water, but it still tasted a little funny. He was talking eagerly to his teammates who were complimenting him as usual. He loved all the attention he got. He was humble about it so he didn't brag too much, nobody liked an egoist. He had learned that he got more attention that way.

He was soon alone in the locker room and he liked it that way. He always took some extra time out on the fields and would go change when the other men where leaving, giving them just enough time to compliment him. Normally he would be on cloud nine due to all the positive compliments and the endorphins rushing around in his body, but he was tired and had a hard time keeping his balance. Chris fell to the ground but was trying to pull himself up with the help from the bench, but he was too weak. It was like he suddenly had been struck with a high fever. He was cold sweating and it became harder for him to breathe. He needed to concentrate on breathing in order not to lose conscious due to lack of oxygen.

He was starting to panic when he couldn't scream for help, his body was switching itself off. He didn't want to die, he had so much more to do. He had never been so relived in his life when he heard someone open the door. His vision was hazy so he couldn't see who it was. He tried to ask for help, but nothing still came out of his mouth. Everything was spinning in his head when the stranger lifted his head up by pulling his hair.

"Oh, look what we have here. A sick little defenseless doctor, how exciting. What is a big bad guy like me going to do with someone as defenseless and fragile as you? I think I got something in mind." Chris recognized the voice, but his drugged mind couldn't figure out who the man was. He believed he was drugged, it must have been the water. He tried to fight back but it was not even a fight for the other man who just pushed him against the wall and kissed him deeply. The kiss was familiar, it wasn't until it was over that Chris's brain could figure out who it was, it was of course his lover Jack.

Chris still resisted the other man, even if he knew who the man was. It was of course Jack who had drugged his water, all to role play. He understood their roles. He was the defenseless victim, exhausted after practice and Jack was the rapist who had stalked him to the lockers. Jack was pretty inventive and he liked the idea. The drug was just making it more interesting.

He was fighting back as much as he could when Jack tied his hands above his head. The drug was making him an easy target. "No please. Stop it." He managed to get out from his mouth with a pleading but weak voice. He knew Jack wouldn't stop, the begging was a part of the play. If he really wanted Jack to stop, then he could just use the safety word they agreed on. "Fish custard".

Jack hooked his bound hands on the hooks over the benches where they could hang their coats and jackets while they got dressed. He was forced to sit on the bench with Jack's body over him, kissing him angrily. The other man was biting his lip hard enough to make him bleed. He tried to bite back, but wasn't strong enough to cause any damage.

Jack pushed Chris's legs apart so he couldn't kick him. He tried to get away as Jack was pulling at his shorts to get them off. It wasn't a big challenge, there was nothing he could do about it. It didn't take too long for Jack to take both their trousers off. He had left his shirt on to have something more to control Chris with. He could never do something like this with his husband. It would remind him about the assault with John Hart, he didn't want his husband to experience it all over again.

"No, don't do this. I beg of you. Just let me go" The drug was slowly losing its grip over Chris, but it was too late for him. He was already in a weak situation. He moaned half in pain, but half in pleasure as Jack forced himself inside him. They had been sleeping with each other nearly every day, some days even twice, so he didn't need to be prepared like the first time. He was actually crying real tears as Jack moved inside him. He continued to beg but was starting to feel drained again. Even if the drug was losing its effect, it still affected him mentally. He was really tired. The last thing he saw before losing conscious was Jack's face.

Jack pulled himself out from Chris body. It ran a little trail of blood and semen down from his legs. He gave his lover a kiss before he carefully freed him. He knew that Chris wouldn't wake up in a while, so it was his responsibility to take him home. It was tempting to leave him in the locker room, just to see how Chris would handled the awkward situation and explained to his team that he wasn't raped , but he wasn't that big of a douchebag.

He lifted the light body in his arms. He was heavier than John, but he was still not heavy at all. Chris was just like a normal person, maybe a bit lighter. It just reminded him of how thin John actually was becoming. He shook of the feeling as he laid Chris's body down in the backseat. He had cleaned him up, but kept his soccer clothes on.

It took him 25 minutes to drive back to their homes, but it felt like it was faster. He lifted Chris in his arms again, and carried him bridal-style to the Song's front door. River answered the bell fast, as she was waiting nervously for it to ring. It was late, Chris should have been home for dinner hours ago. Their son was defiantly asleep by now.

"What happened?" She asked when she saw her husband in Jack's arms. Jack gave her a reassuring smile.

"I found him unconscious in the dressing room, I was their just to play with some friends. Sorry I wasn't allowed to call you, they wanted to have a chance to score. I believe he overworked himself. Just make him drink when he wakes up, and feed him. Then everything will be fine," he said and was about enter the house to lay him down on the sofa, but River stopped him.

"I can carry him. Thank you for bringing him home, but I don't need your help anymore," she said as she took her unconscious husband from Jack's arms. She had been acting less friendly towards him since he started his affair with her husband. It was like she knew everything.

"I would like you to leave." She continued, and closed the door in Jack's face.


	7. Chapter 7

River was loading the car with the last bag. She had noticed how distant John had become over the last month, so she talked with Jack about taking all the children with her to her parent's house in Leadworth so Jack could give John more time. She kissed Chris a last time.

"I really hope you'll make up your mind, we'll talk more when I'm back. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but you can count on at least two weeks," she told him, giving her husband a look that was hard to read. She entered the car and drove away as the fathers were waving goodbye to their children.

"Dinner's ready in five," John told Jack as he walked back into the house. He was acting like he was dead inside. They hadn't kissed since Jack started his affair with John's brother. He was slipping away from Jack again, but Jack did nothing this time. He didn't notice how bad John was feeling. There was almost nothing left of his husband in John anymore. Jack didn't notice the marks on his body made by Rickston as he had sex with his husband in the evenings.

John had almost fainted 3 weeks ago as he had a performance appraisal with the Slade family. He learned that Rickston was his student's father. Rickston had been making it a habit to rape him in a daily routine when Jack was either working or with his brother. He was sick of it but he had learned to switch his brain off when he was having sex, both with Jack and Rickston. He didn't see the different between the men during sex. It hurt a lot and neither of them were thinking of his pleasure or feelings.

John was only sitting opposite of Jack as the other man ate his dinner and read the paper. He hadn't told Jack about Rickston, and it was happening almost every day in the school and when Jack worked. The girls had seen the man in the house but he had always asked them to go and play with Rory and Jessica, Rory's little sister, so they didn't have to see how there daddy was raped on a daily basis.

"Jack… I think a student's parents are coming on to me," he said as Jack read. Jack didn't look up from the paper.

"And?" Jack said, and didn't really care what his husband said. John knew Jack didn't care about him anymore. It was just a last call for help but his husband had ignored him.

"Nothing, maybe it was just my imagination." John took Jack's plate as the other man was finished and began to wash it.

"I'm going to Chris's, we are going to practice football. Don't wait up, I'll be home late," Jack told him. John looked a bit sad and desperately tried to reach out for his husband again.

"Can't you stay tonight? You're with him almost every day." His request was so low that Jack almost missed it. Jack raised from his chair and was on his way out from the kitchen but John stopped him and gave him a desperate kiss. He wanted to hug Jack, Jack hadn't held him in weeks. He felt rejected when Jack didn't hold him close in the kiss.

"No, is it something important today?" Jack asked but left the house before he could hear the answer. John looked down at the floor.

"No. nothing important to you," he said and grabbed Jack's old razor that he had kept in his pocket the past month. He walked with heavy steps up to their bedroom and closed the door after him. He blocked the door with the dresser drawer so it couldn't be opened easily, Jack had the key to the bedroom. John took off his wedding ring and kissed it before he laid it on Jack's pillow. He still loved Jack, but he had nothing left in the world if Jack didn't love him back. He didn't cry, he couldn't cry anymore. He was already dead inside and he was going to make sure he never woke up again. It was all going to end that night.

John sat down on his side of the bed and looked down at his wrists, at the scars from the last time he had cut himself with Jack's razor. Jack hadn't notice the scars, even when John almost waved it in front of Jack's eyes. He held a tight grip around the razor and his whole body was shaking.

"Happy anniversary," John said, and was surprise when he felt a tear slowly running down his cheek.

Jack had been surprised when John kissed him but simply let it go. John was his husband after all, it wouldn't be weird if he kissed him. He had been thinking about Chris almost the whole dinner. He took his keys with him and opened the door to Chris's house. He had made the walk in less than a minute to Chris's house. He was greeted by a deep kiss before the other male dragged him inside the house. He had looked forward to this the whole day.

Chris had thrown him down on his and River's bed before Jack could say anything. He kissed Jack again and was already stripping him.

"Shh, don't say a word. Just sit up and relax," Chris told him as he took the already hard man's manhood and began to suck him. Jack moaned and watched his lover with a surprised look. He never imagined that Chris was so good in blowing someone off, but Chris had surprised him in many ways before. Jack was embarrassed when the other man made him cum so early. Chris was making him hard again by stroking him with his hand. He could taste himself when John's brother kissed him. That alone was a big turn on.

Chris was climbing over Jack's lap but almost fell and gripped the other man's shoulders before he could embarrass himself. Jack could feel how he entered Chris, but the other male was controlling what was happening. He lost himself in the pleasure.

Jack was lying with Chris in his arms and they were breathing fast. They had sex almost five times and they both were getting tired. Jack almost fell asleep with Chris in his arms when he shook him.

"You should go home to John." Chris looked at him with a serious face.

"I want to stay here." it made him happy to hear Jack say it but, he would accept it every other day but he knew it was their wedding anniversary. Chris was already the worst brother ever for sleeping with his big brother's husband on their anniversary. The last thing he could do was to send Jack back where he belonged. What he was doing was selfish of him and he was lucky that River still gave him a chance to end it with Jack.

"Go home Jack, I don't want you in my bed this night, you're not welcome here tonight. Now leave before I tell him what we have been doing behind his back." He was lying of course, he wanted Jack to stay but he would tell John if Jack decided to stay.

Jack gave up and kissed Chris one last time with a promise that he would be back tomorrow, before he made it back home. He still didn't understand what was so special with the day. The door was unlocked which was unusual for John. His husband had made it clear the last few weeks that the doors should be locked at all time. He had even sat up some locks for the girl's windows so no one could break in without smashing the window.

Jack assumed John was in the bed room when he was nowhere else in the house. All the dishes were washed and the house was spotless as usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary until Jack felt that the bedroom door was locked. He retrieved his key in the hall for the master bedroom but was surprised when it still was locked. He was getting worried and began to knock on the door.

"John, Open!" he yelled but got no answer. It was almost too quiet in the bedroom. He was trying to get the door open but something was blocking the way. He used almost all his power and managed to get the door opened. John had used the drawer to keep Jack from coming in. Jack became pale as he saw John lying on the bed, holding his razor in his hand. It wasn't until he saw his razor that his brain registered the blood around his husband. Jack could determine from the look of it that John had lost a lot of blood.

Jack ran to his husband's side as fast as his legs could carry him. He threw the razor away in fear and begun to search for any sign of life. He found a weak pulse which made him determined to keep him alive. He called the hospital while he was trying to stop the blood with the sheets from the bed. It was then he notice that John's ring was missing. He saw it on his pillow and the sight reminded him what day it was today. It was their wedding anniversary. He reached for the ring with his empty hand and held the ring close to him but didn't let go of John's body. He didn't understand how much John meant to him until he was so close to losing John. He felt so guilty for sleeping with John's brother on their anniversary and John's suicide attempt didn't make it better. Jack knew he should have listened to John. He didn't have a clue what John was feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack had left the hospital with a guilty feeling in his stomach. John had woken yesterday, the night after his suicide attempt. He looked worse than ever and didn't even look at Jack as he was holding his soft hand. Jack could't keep his tears in as he held his broken husband's hand. John didn't say a word to him during the time Jack sat by his side. He had tried to ask him what made him come to the point where suicide was an option, but never got an answer. He was concerned about his well being. John was physically ready to leave the hospital, but mentally he was nowhere near ready. The doctors had strapped him down in a belt bed after he had tried to end his life again in the hospital, this time with a surgeon's knife. Jack had the right to take John home the next day, but if he failed to take care of him, they had to move him to a mental hospital.

He wanted to be by his husband's side but they didn't let him stay over the night. Jack felt like he was spiteful towards Chris when he asked him to be alone with John that evening. Chris was his brother and he had the right to see him, but he felt like he needed to be there for his husband. He had clearly not given John as much attention as he needed, if any at all. It was unforgivable that he had been sleeping with John's brother, but not giving his husband the attention that he needed was a far worse crime.

Chris was sitting beside him in the SUV's passenger seat, wet from the rain outside. They were not talking to each other, Chris was only there to be by his brother's side when they were taking him home. They were half way to the hospital when Chris finally broke the silence between them.

"We, should stop doing this." Jack knew exactly what Chris was talking about and he didn't want to answer. "It's unfair to River and John. I'll been thinking about it a lot. Jack I feel nothing but sexual tension between us, we would make a horrible couple. I know River already knows what we are doing, and I figured that's one of the reasons she left me here with you and took our kids to her parents. I love her, and I know she won't forgive me to easily. But I'm ready to give her my full attention and stop this now."

Jack didn't know what to say. He had been thinking the same things, but Chris attracted him too much for him to stay away from him. The only reason he didn't slept with Chris right now was because he wanted to be a better husband to John. John deserved so much better then him.

"I think we should be honest to John and tell him what we're been doing when he is home, being a prefect husband that you don't deserve. We owe it to him. And I have a feeling that he already knows but tries not to see it." Jack was too distracted to think about his driving. He was speeding big time without even realizing it.

"He's suicidal, do you really believe this is the right time to tell him that I've been fucking you for some time now!" Jack sounded angry and a bit desperate but Chris took no pity on him. Chris himself was too deep in the argument to even notice what was happening around them

"Yes I believe it! We owe him the honesty. And I can't live with myself for hiding something like this behind his back. He needs to know." Chris was trying to cool himself down and was slowly starting to be aware of what was happening. Jack didn't see the big truck that was breaking hard in front of them. He tried to scream at Jack to look out and Jack tried to break but the road was too slippery from the rain causing him to lose control over the car. He tried to steer the car away from the danger.

Jack could only watch in horror as Chris's body was thrown out from the car as he screamed the man's name. The belt had broken in the impact. He wasn't thinking straight as he was struggling to get his belt off to go outside and check if Chris was still alive. Another car hit him from behind causing him to blackout for a while.

He could see blue lights when he opened his eyes. He didn't know how long he had been out but he hoped not too long. Jack felt somewhat alright for what he had been through besides a headache. He felt like he was forgetting but became pale as he saw blood running down from the hood of the car. He got a quick image in his head from when Chris was thrown out the car. Chris was laying on the hood of the car with his back down and broken glass around his body. He looked horrible and like he should be in a lot of pain. He prayed that Chris was unconscious but it looked like he was already dead. He would never forget the young man's face. He just knew they had lost him. The face would haunt his dreams forever.

Jack tried to get out to Chris but the car door was to damaged to be opened. He was starting to panic as he wasted the precious seconds. He reached for Chris's hand and was afraid when it felt cold. The man looked to pale. He screamed at the paramedics who were trying to take him away from him. He refused to let go of his hand. He lost his grip of Chris's hand and watched in fear when they took him away. He didn't understand how they managed to get him out from the car, he was too busy to worrying about John's brother. The accident was his fault, he should have kept a better eye on the traffic. Now there was a big chance that Christopher already was dead because of his inattention.

He got a ride to the hospital in the same ambulance as Chris. He didn't dare to touch him during the ride. He had been relieved when they had managed to revive him at the accident site. They didn't tell him how bad Chris's status was or his chances of survival. He just had to hope for the best. Jack wished he could switch place with Chris. He was the real villain, Chris didn't deserve what had happen to him.

"You need to survive, he needs you," Jack whispered to Chris as he carefully grabbed his hand and held it close to him. He tried to find comfort in the wedding ring he had in his pocket but it just caused him more guilt. He didn't know how John would take his brother's accident. He needed to call River to tell her what had happened. Chris needed his wife by his side, not him.

Jack felt sick when they told him that they nearly lost Chris and couldn't save him a third time if his heart stopped again. He stepped outside the hospital and dialed River's number. He didn't say a word for a while when River picked up her phone.

"River. You need to come back. Christopher and I were in an accident. We're in the hospital. I'm fine but Chris… you should really come. It may be the last time you will see him alive," he waited for a response and was about to end the call when he heard her voice.

"I'll be there in an hour," She told him.

Jack did the only thing he could do at that moment. Go to his husband's side and be there for him during the hard time. He sat down beside him and held his restrained hand.

"I'm sorry I'm late, does it hurt you?" he said to him but John ignored him by studying a spot on the white ceiling. He tried to explain to him what had happen but John just didn't seem to care about his brother. He knew John wasn't himself when he was like this, but couldn't help himself when he got angry at John.

"He's your brother, won't you show any sign of emotion?" John just gave him a blank look and turned his head away from Jack.

"Why should I care?" John said making Jack more sick. He couldn't deal with John right now, but he couldn't leave him either. Something was wrong with John for him to not care about what was happening to Chris. He held John's hand closer and put the ring back on his finger. He kissed it gently and stroked his cheek.

"Don't touch me." John sounded cold and unfriendly, like Jack was a stranger to him. He started to shake as he tried to get Jack's hand away from him. "Go and fuck my brother, don't act surprised. I saw how Christopher kissed you. Just let me die already. You don't care about me either way."

Jack's heart broke when he heard what John said to him, but he understood the betrayal hurt more for John than him. But somethings didn't add up. John wasn't a person who got depressed to easily. He had his days when he couldn't make it out of bed but never to the point where he wanted to take his life. And it couldn't be about his affair either, John would have normally left him with the girls or kicked his ass for his stupid decisions.

"John, why did you do it?" he tried to ask a second time. John hesitated for some seconds before he turned to his husband again. He looked hurt this time but was fighting to give him a cold look.

"You don't care," He said as his eyes filled with tears. Jack felt bad when John cried in front of him. He didn't care about John being restrained. He freed his husband and held him close in his arms as John tried to scream at him to let go but only managed to sob in Jack's arms. He had missed Jack's comfort and almost forgot how it felt to be hugged by someone.

"I'll listen, I know you haven't forgiven me. But I'm still here for you, just please talk with me." John shook his head but held Jack closer to ask him to not let go of him. Jack gave up for the moment and tried his best to comfort John.

"Can we go home now?" Jack nodded at him.

"Yes, but I'll just wait for River, then we'll go home okay?"

Jack used a wheelchair to take John around in the hospital. He didn't want his husband to overwork himself and he couldn't carry him around in his arms. John hated the wheelchair, and he was getting irritated at Jack. He was somewhat happy for his husband to show any kind of emotion. He would spank the Doctor for his sulking if it was any other day.

He met River in the entrance of the hospital. She explained that the kids were with Amy in the Song's house. Jack showed her the way to the room where Christopher was laying.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop the car," He said to his friend's wife and laid his arms around her to give her some comfort. River gave him a hard slap across the face. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. He had never seen her cry before. Jack stepped away to John's side to let her be alone with her husband. He grabbed the wheelchair to roll him out to give the married couple some space. He could still hear her talking to her husband as she was holding his hand.

"Sweetie, I was going to surprise you. I found out I was pregnant again." She laid his unresponsive hand against her stomach. Her tears fell down at his hand as she continued.

"Don't you dare leave us now Christopher. I'll never forgive you for it if you do."


	9. Chapter 9

Jack held a daily contact with River to hear how it was going with Chris. He had barely survived the first night but had entered a coma. Apparently he was waking up. The news made Jack relived and he went to his husband's side to tell him the good news. John hadn't moved from the bed that day. He was laying under the covers and ignored Jack who never left his side for to long. Jack had made sure that was nothing harmful in the house for John to try to take his life with before he brought him home from the hospital. Their daughters remained with River's parents, in the Song's household. He didn't want the girls to see their daddy in his fragile state, but he visited them when he got someone else to keep an eye on John. It was tiring and he was close to giving up on John some times, but he didn't want him in a mental hospital, so he kept fighting.

He had been taking care of John for almost two months. Nothing really seemed to change. John was still as suicidal as ever.

John cried a lot and was afraid when the windows where opened. He cried through almost every night and was emotionless during the day. He didn't seem to care at all about the good news about Christopher. Everything Jack loved about John was gone, he was just an empty shell with his husband's face. It was the assault by Hart all over again. They hadn't seen the rapist since the court that sentenced him to prison for twelve years for sexual abuse and attempted murder. He wasn't free, not yet but he would be soon. It made him sick. He never wanted to see his old friend again.

He always felt guilty when he looked at John. He knew it was somehow his fault for his husband's suicide attempt. He had been too self-centered and focused on Chris to even notice how bad John really felt. He knew John hated him and he deserved all off it, but he wouldn't let go of him until he was alright again. If John still wanted to leave him, he would let him go. He had no right to keep him then. Chris had been right, John was to good for him.

Jack was starting to suspect that something had triggered his past depression after he had been raped by Hart. Maybe he felt forgotten and betrayed when he had seen them together. Maybe he saw all their casual sex in the evenings and the mornings as rape, but didn't dare to say no. It was maybe an attempt to keep him, so he wouldn't lose him to his brother. It was a possibility, but he was more convinced something had happened while he had been busy sleeping with his brother.

"Are you thinking about what happened with Hart? He won't hurt you anymore, I promise you that, you are safe." He held John's hand. His husband let him hold it. He hadn't let him touched him sense they came home which was frustrating because he wanted to help him but John didn't let him. The tolerance of Jack's hand was a step in the right direction, not a big one but a good to begin with.

"You weren't here for me," he said to Jack and let go of his hand. It broke Jack's heart, but he knew John was right. He had been absent and didn't take care of his husband like he should have. He didn't really know until now how dependent John was of his disciplining. John had been taking not having consequences for his attitude badly. Maybe John would have taken what happened better if he had given him more attention and continued their relationship like normal. Then maybe John would have told him what had happened. He tried his hardest to figure out what was wrong, but he had never listened to him enough. He had been busy thinking about Chris.

"John. Is this something about that parent you were talking about earlier?" The way John flinched told Jack that he was right. He got a bad feeling about what actually had happened, but he chose to take it slow. He was maybe jumping to conclusions too fast.

"Has he been touching you." The way John was shook enough for Jack to want to kill that bastard. Even if it just was touching, it was still enough to punch him. No one touched John against his will.

"For how long?" John didn't seem to want to tell Jack but Jack refused to let it go. It took almost an hour until John finally answered. He knew Jack wouldn't let it drop. All he really wanted to do was be left alone so he could sleep, or find a fast way to kill himself. He had tried once to leave the house in the middle of the night, planning to drown himself in his beloved lake or by just letting a train do the dirty work. Jack had woken up and stopped him before he could leave the house. They hadn't been talking, nothing needed to be said.

"Since Chris's birthday," he finally said, letting Jack do the math.

"Can you tell me who it was?" John shook his head as he hugged his knees. He wanted to just forget everything. He wanted to be dead.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can you please just let me sleep now?"

Jack just nodded and left the room to give his husband some space. He knew it was hard for him to talk about. John had taken the sexual assault with Hart really badly, but he was staring to overcome his fears little by little. The new assault was the worst thing that could have happened. It really had beaten John down to a place that he couldn't get out from alone. Even Jack had a hard time seeing how John could be saved from his depression. He feared it would be too late. He hated himself for actually considering that it would be for the best if John succeeded in his suicide attempt.

He was making a banana sandwich for John when he thought of the girls. He wanted the best for them, but he didn't want to give them up to a stranger. He didn't want to give them up at all. It would be to cruel to the girls. They would feel betrayed by him. He loved them to much to want to hurt them in any way, but he couldn't take care of both John and the girls. Plus he didn't know how their daughters would react when they saw their daddy. They had been asking to see him every day, but they always got no for an answer.

John was asleep when Jack entered the bedroom. He laid the sandwich on the night table beside the bed, so John could eat if he woke up, hungry. He laid down beside John but didn't hold him. John was always afraid when Jack held him, he finally understood why.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack was surprised when he woke up with John's arms around him and his face buried in Jack's chest. His T-shirt was soggy from the tears from his husband. Normally they both slept naked, but after everything that had happened, he now slept in a T-shirt and his boxers. John used one of Jack's shirts that was too big for him in almost every way except for the height. Normally it would be a huge turn on, but now he kept his sexual attraction to himself. His husband was slowly opening up to him. He didn't want him to stop trusting him because Jack was thinking with his manhood and took him to early. John wasn't ready for sex again and by the looks of it, he would never be again.

It had been one week since John told him about the assault. He managed to get a name from his husband and he had memorized the name Rickston Slade well. He would beat the bastard down, later when John was feeling better. They were talking more, but not even close to as much as they used to. There was still days when John refused to talk or eat but they were becoming fewer. It gave Jack hope that it wasn't to late for his husband. One day they maybe could be a happy family again, if of course John forgave him. He knew it was still a possibility for John to decide that he wanted to leave Jack.

John panicked when he woke up. Jack immediately let go of John's body, just to keep him calm. He was twisting and turning but calmed down when he recognized Jack's familiar scent. He was sobbing in Jack's safe arms again. He made his husband's already wet T-shirt, wetter. Jack laid his hand on John's back and was stroking him as he tried to sing for his husband. He sang the first song that came to his mind, Time After Time.

He was relieved when it worked. He was glad that he had stopped crying, but he needed to get John talking if he wanted him to have a chance to recover. "Did you dream about him again?" He felt sick but also glad when John nodded. His husband clearly wanted to talk about it, but didn't know how he could say it. "Do you want to go to a psychologist?"

"No," John said as he shook his head. His voice was sore from the crying. "I want. To talk to you"

Jack gave him a small smile as he nodded. "Alright, I'll just go and make some tea. You can go to the living room and make yourself comfortable in your armchair."

He was surprised when he saw John dressed in his brown pinstriped costume, when he entered the living room. It made his t-shirt and jeans look lazy and cheap. "You look amazing," he said as he gave John his cup of tea. He had defrosted some banana cupcakes from the freezer. He placed himself in the armchair that he had put in front of Johns.

"Do you want to talk about your dreams?" John nodded as he sipped on his tea.

"Are they dreams or memories?" He asked. John sat quiet for a while.

"Memories," he said. They sat quiet for a while. Jack wanted to give him his time and some space so he wouldn't feel suffocated. "They aren't only about Rickston. They are about Hart, and the Master sometimes."

Jack nodded and listened carefully to every world that John spoke. He had already made the mistake of not listening. He didn't want to do it again. Even if they had been married for years, he still knew nothing about the Master or John's past before they met. He only knew from Chris that the Master was just someone that was best for John to forget.

"They are touching me, beating me. Torturing me and killing me. I always scream for you but you won't come. You always turn your back on me, and kiss my brother. Sometimes you laugh at my weakness. Jack, what did I do wrong? Why are you sleeping with him? Is there something wrong with me?" John was close to tears again. Jack was already by his side and tried to comfort him again, but it didn't go as well as last time. John pushed Jack back to get out from his grip but Jack held him tight in his strong arms.

"You did nothing wrong. It was all me. I just… I don't even know why I did it. I didn't do it to hurt you. It just seemed right at the moment. I'm so sorry I rejected you. Your brother was the better man. He wanted to end it but I wanted to continue, even if I knew it was hurting you." John kept a tight grip around Jack. He didn't let him go until Jack had carried him up to the bed again and was pulling the covers over him. Jack had changed him back in to his too big shirt again. He knew John needed to let the tears out. He sat by his side as he waited for him to fall asleep.

It was soon after dinner time when John finally slept in the bed. Jack went down to get something to eat. He hadn't eaten a real meal the whole day and was starving. John's needs came before his. The fridge wasn't full off food and leftovers as it used to be. He needed to go and shop when he got some time. It was a good way to get the Doctor out. He decided to take John out to shop the next day, if he was in the mood to leave the bed.

Jack tried to fry some eggs, but failed miserably. He hadn't cooked in ages, John's food was too amazing. He didn't need the skills of cooking, John never let him go hungry. He was trying again when he heard the doorbell ring. He was sure it would be Amy again who came over to check if something had changed. He opened the door to tell her to come in. It was a stranger, which surprised him.

"I was just wondering, if John Smith is in. He missed our appointment and won't answer his phone. You see he agreed to give my son some extra lessons but he haven't showed up in a while." Jack smiled when he thought of the time when John had extra lessons with him. He had at one point hidden under John's desk during a lesson. The moment the teacher sat down to watch his class, Jack had seized the moment and blown him off. He was thinking about doing the same thing again, but became sad as he came back to reality.

"I'm sorry, he's not well. Can I leave him a message for you?" Jack wanted to go back inside and check on John. He had already given up on the eggs, he could always take a sandwich later.

"Just say that Rickston Slade was here," Rickston answered and was about to leave. Everything was boiling in Jack's head when he understood who the stranger was. His vision became blurred when he gave the stranger a straight right. He never remembered punching him, but the pounding in his hand told him that he had hit, hard.

"It was you, you bastard. He was recovering fine until you decided to destroy his life," Jack said while he was punching the man who at first was too shocked to fight back. He was about to punch Jack when Jack pulled out a revolver from his WWII coat beside him. He aimed for Rickston's head. He had been lucky that the Doctor hadn't found the gun, he had forgotten to lock it up with the other dangerous items.

"The only reason you're not already dead, is because he doesn't want you dead. He despises you, but he is a much better person than me. Leave now and don't come back. I recommend you leave the city, even the country. If I ever see your face again, I will blow your head off. That's a promise. And if he ever tells me that you have touched him again, then you're dead." Jack fought the urge to shot him as he left the property. He put the gun back, and returned to John's side. He really hoped that Rickston never would show his face there again.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack was watching as John was preparing a basket for a picnic. He wanted to take John to his by far favorite place on earth, to give him a more positive view on life. He had even prepared John's swimming outfit, in a hope to get John to find the pleasure in life again. John was uncommitted to his work. Normally he would cut the sandwiches into smaller pieces so they could feed each other with the small nibbles. He sometimes even prepared a sweet sauce, depending on the sandwich items, to make the dish more messy and sexual. John loved nibbles but he was to uncaring to make it more romantic. It ached in Jack's heart, but he already knew they were nowhere close to recovered.

They had been shopping for food the day before. John had been hard to get out of bed. It had been one of his weaker days. He had even refused to talk to Jack, but his husband didn't want him in bed that day. John had just dragged himself after Jack as they walked around in the supermarket. It pained Jack to see how he ignored the pail of bananas beside him. He had refused to put on his suit again and was just wearing a simple gray T-shirt that belonged to Jack and a pair of matching sweatpants. The outfit looked far too big for the broken man, making him look more fragile and hurt. It looked like Jack was a horrible husband. It actually looked like he had been the one who had been abusing and assaulting his husband.

"Do you want me to add a banana?" Jack asked as he was filling the basket with the food that John had made. John had clearly not taken any effort in what he had been doing, it was a surprise that he even agreed to make the food in the first place. He hoped it was a good sign. To be honest with himself, Jack still had no idea if he was making the right decisions, maybe the mental hospital was a better idea. It felt like it on the bad days.

He sighed when John didn't answer and put the banana in anyways. He gave John a sign that they were about to leave. John went to Jack's work car, the black SUV, out of habit but Jack stopped him.

"Not today, remember how we used to get to the lake? Back before we became lazy parents and drove everywhere?" John shook his head. It was hard to know if he didn't remember or just didn't care. "I'm going to drive you to the lake, on the back of your bike. Just like old times."

John was holding Jack's waist as the younger man biked through the city. It was a lovely day, he would normally insist to cool himself down in the lake. He didn't enjoy it like he normally would. It took a while before they got to the lake, but Jack was determined to get at least one smile form John again. He really missed his teacher, his Doctor. It was moments like this he understood how important the older man was in his life. He had an attraction to Chris, but it was nothing compared to his love and compassion for his husband.

He laid the quilt down on the grass by a tree so they could place the basket in the shadows. He didn't want to have to warm strawberry Juice. He gave John the banana and one of the pair of the saddest sandwiches he had ever seen in his life. He ignored the sight as he begun to eat. It didn't taste or feel as good like when the Doctor would lay with his head on Jack's knee and let his husband feed him as he read for Jack. Jack didn't care about what he read, he just loved the sound of his voice.

John was just watching his food. He didn't want to eat at all, he wanted to go back to his bed. He was sipping on some tea while Jack had chosen the strawberry juice. Jack gave him a look that told him that he would force the food down if he didn't want to eat. He ignored Jack's eyes and was studying the water. He wanted to float for a while, but knew that Jack wouldn't let him down until he had at least tried to eat something. He took the banana in his mouth and chewed on it. It took him almost a half hour to just eat half of it, he couldn't get it further down. Jack was happy for the moment. He gave his broken husband his swimwear so he could cool himself down in the water. He gave John a kiss on his cheek to show him that he was pleased with the effort.

"Don't swim too far away, I want to get a chance to help you if anything happens without drowning myself." Jack had tried to swim with John before, but he wasn't as trained in the water as John, so he didn't keep up with his husband for to long. It ended with John having to save his exhausted body and get him to safety on the pier.

He smiled when he saw how John was floating in the water. He was about to take off his shoes and dip his legs in the cool water when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jack turned around and was greeted by a face that belonged to his friend from their school days and now colleague, Owen Harper. Owen was pushing a stroller. He had been absent from work recently to take care of his husband. He had forgotten about Owen and Toshiko having their own little baby. Apparently it was a boy, they hadn't settled for a name yet, but they had started to like Sam.

"How's everything with John? I heard he almost lost his brother, must be hard for him." Owen was ignoring the child, and was acting like he didn't care about him and saw him more as a bother but Jack could see right through his friend. He knew he loved his son.

Jack didn't know how he should answer. Owen was his friend, but he didn't want to bother him with his problems with John. They had long avoided the topic of Chris. John didn't seem to care about his brother's accident.

"He's a little better, but I can't keep my eyes off of him for too long. I don't trust him enough just yet." Jack explained. They were talking casually for some minutes when Owen stared to search for something.

"Where is John anyway?" Jack smiled and turned back to the lake to show him how John was swimming in the water.

"He's right beside the pier, taking a dip," Jack answered. His heart skipped a beat when he at the first glance didn't see his husband. Then he saw him, under the water. He swore as he ran down and dived down the pier to get him up. He had only turned his back from his husband for five minutes, and he was already trying to drown himself. He hated himself for being so stupid.

Owen had placed his stroller beside the quilt and was ready to tend to his patient when Jack had gotten him up. He relaxed when John was breathing but gave him a quick checkup so nothing was wrong.

"He's fine, We'll be going now. Jack I'm telling you as a friend, you need help. I'm sorry but this isn't our old teacher John Smith. Take care." Jack was angry when Owen told him to get help. He had everything under control. He had just let the Doctor out of his vision for a short time, a mistake he wouldn't do again.

"What the hell were you doing?" Jack couldn't keep his anger in. He shouted at John for the first time in some while. He knew he gained nothing when he shouted at his husband. "Let's go home."

John was helping Jack to clean up after them. He sat beside Jack, but hugged him and let his head rest against his husband's back. He used to do it when Jack was giving him a lift, he loved the closeness to Jack.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in Jack's ear. Jack hoped it was the truth and that John really was sorry, and not being sorry for getting caught. He didn't think too much of it when he parked the bike outside their home. John waited for Jack to lock the bike. He was really tired and wanted to sleep.

John was watching Jack as the other man was making it comfortable for him in bed. He was quiet for a while.

"How is Christopher?" Jack almost thought he had heard wrong when John was asking about Chris. He gave his husband a smile.

"River told me that he was trying to wake up. It won't be too long now, we can visit him when he wakes up." John nodded and tried to give Jack a smile back. He knew his husband had tried to get him to smile the whole day.

"I want to see him. I want to see my daughters too, I miss them."

It was the best thing Jack could hear come from John's mouth. He was starting to head in the right direction again. It made him really happy, Owen was wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

John actually felt happy for the first time in a long time. Yesterday he saw the girls for the first time since he had tried to commit suicide. He felt guilt about his decision, but knew himself that he was still unstable. It had just been one of his good days when he could think straight, without having constant thoughts of killing himself. He was a bit sad when his time with his lovely daughters was over. He felt empty when he lay in the bed, waiting for Jack to end his conversation over the phone. Jack had given him wonderful news when he came back. Chris had woken up, and they were going to see him the next day. They had been cuddling the whole night. They always cuddled when John was in a good state of mind. John's sleep was deeper and more peaceful that night.

He waited impatiently for Jack to make their breakfast. He wanted to see his little brother right now. The feeling was confusing, it was a long time since he felt something else besides sadness, pain and uselessness. He wanted to give Jack a kiss when his husband gave him a banana, but the thought of sexual closeness made him shiver. He still feared getting touched in the wrong way, even by Jack. He ate more. He usually ate a banana, a sandwich and had a cup of tea to drink for breakfast. He managed to keep the food down on his happy days.

They finally left their home. Jack drove his car to the hospital, this time in a calmer way. He didn't want to crash again. It was a peaceful day, he would have taken John out for a walk if they weren't on their way to the hospital. He was a bit nervous to be with the brothers, he knew the situation could be awkward. He knew River hated him. She only told him about Christopher's status for John's sake. They never talked like they used to.

Jack showed John the way to Chris's room. He felt bad when he remembered the last time he was in a hospital with John. He wished he never would have to visit a suicidal John, who had tried to end it all in a hospital, again. The grip around John's hand became harder and more protective.

"Jack, you're hurting me." Jack let go of John's hand and mumbled an apology. He didn't mean to hurt his husband in anyway. They were outside the room. On the other side waited River and Chris for them to enter.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want to force you in to something you're not comfortable with." John grabbed Jack's hand and nodded with a serious look. He was ready, he had his emotions in check. He wanted to see Chris and apologize for his actions. John felt bad that he never cared about his brother's accident. Chris could have died and he would not have cared a bit. He was too self-centered and egoistical sometimes.

Jack looked away from River when they entered the room. The situation was really awkward. There he was with his husband, his lover who was his husband's brother and his lover's wife who happened to be one of his best friends. He wanted to leave, but he was concerned about the other man. He still believed it should be him in the bed, not Christopher.

Chris was crying with his face buried in his wife's chest, as the visitors opened the door. He tried to stop when the room filled with new people but he couldn't keep his tears in. River was trying to comfort him but it didn't seem to help. He wiped his eyes with his arm and tried to look as normal as possible. Jack watched his normally beautiful green eyes that sparked of life and joy. They were now grayish and unseeing. The life and joy were gone from them. They almost looked dead.

"What is wrong?" Jack wanted to hear the answer, he wanted River to tell him what damage he had done to Chris. Her gaze was cold and almost unforgiving. She clearly didn't want to talk with him, or have the man in the room.

"He hit the back of his head in the impact. He has lost his vision," she told him and tried to sound as calm as possible. They were close to a fight, not with words, but with their fists. They never fought with words, both of them fed off of each other's anger and it would easily change in to a fistfight. Jack was only holding back because they were in a hospital, and she was pregnant. He didn't want to give her complications causing her to lose her child.

John stepped closer to his brother as the tension built between Jack and River. He carefully grabbed his hand and held it to him. He could feel how his brother flinched at first by the new, but familiar touch.

"Don't worry, it is just me." Chris relaxed and turned his head to John. Just to give the illusion that they were looking at each other. John picked up a handkerchief and cleaned his face. He knew Chris could feel how he tried to smile at him. He still had a hard time smiling but he knew his brother needed his support.

"You look weird without a bowtie." He tried to joke to make him feel better. Chris stared to laugh at his brother. He missed hearing his brother laugh. He couldn't believe how he ever could think that he could live a life without his brother.

"I feel naked without the bowtie," he answered. They both felt better for a while. There was an unusual silence between them that had only been the norm after Chris's birthday. They both had a lot to say, but neither of them wanted to start. They could hear how their partner's bickering began.

"I'm sorry," John finally said. Chris was confused. It showed well on his face as usual.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who betrayed you by sleeping with your husband behind your back. I'm the one how should beg for forgiveness, knowing it would never make a difference. You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand your actions. They were wrong, but are nothing to apologize for. If you should apologize to someone than it would be to Jack. He cares about you deeply. I knew there was nothing between me and him all along, but still I continued. I'm the bad guy here." Chris's voice was unstable as he talked. He had never heard his brother sound so weak. Chris had always been the stronger and stabler of the brother, while John had always been the one with the most psychological issues. He had almost been depressed his whole life until he met Jack. Jack had given his pathetic excuse for life a meaning. It was not all numbers and physics, it was so much more.

"No, I'm not apologizing for that. I'm apologizing for not caring about you. I didn't care that you were dying that night. I didn't care at all until last week." Chris held his hand tighter and refused to let go of his brother.

"You got every right to feel that way, I don't blame you if you still do. I know I don't deserve yours or River's forgiveness. You both forgave me to easily but I believe neither of you have let Jack go. I'm as guilty as him, if not guiltier." The bickering between Jack and River became worse. They were almost screaming at each other. It made John afraid, but he tried to keep calm. Chris on the other hand looked annoyed.

"I'm laying here in the bed and having a crisis, and there is no one here to give me comfort. What's the point of having you guys?" He said and gained both River and Jack's attention. They stepped forward and apologized for the disturbance. Chris was glad it worked.

"Okay good. Now when you listen. I know Jack and I have a lot to do before we are completely forgiven. Don't deny it, you are my brother, and you are my wife, there is nothing I don't know about you two. But I think it would be all better if we have an armistice when we're all together, you don't have to like each other, just don't fight. I think it's scaring John. Now is the time we should be talking about what has happened," Chris said and looked determined. His voice was not as sore from the crying like before. "Now before we talk I want you two to shake each other's hands and make up."

John was glad when the fighting stopped. He calmed down when Jack and River shook hands and tried to drop their anger for Chris and his sake. Chris was handling it well, he had learned a lot of conflict handling from him and it showed he used it in a correct way. They all agreed to not talk about the unfaithfulness when they were all together. Chris and Jack promised to never sleep with each other again. They would all see how it went, their friendship would never be the same, but there was nothing they could do. If it didn't work, then they were going to break the contact between the families. They all agreed that the children came first.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack returned home from work. He had been forced to work today, but Chris was able to keep John company during the day. It had been two month since Chris came home from the hospital. He was still trying to adjust to his blindness but it was hard for him. He knew he would never play football again. Not in the same level as he use to.

John was becoming more stable. He hadn't tried to take his life again and he looked more energetic than before. He was slowly turning back to the John that Jack knew and loved. They had started kissing again. Not as they use to. John was comfortable with Jack's touch but he could see how his husband would tense if he saw Jack strip. They didn't take care of the children full time, they still lived half the time with the Song family, who had Amy and Rory there to take care of the children, while River tried to help her husband. They had agreed with Amy to let John try to take care of his daughter's full time like before. The girls would come home the next day. They would take each day by itself to see if John really was ready for his responsibilities. Ready or not, John was clearly exited when he had heard the good news.

Even if Jack had stared to trust his husband it was still not enough to leave him by himself at home for a whole day. He could let John go and shop alone, only if he showed that he hadn't taken something sharp with him, or brought something he could kill himself with. He wanted someone to keep an eye on his husband and the only one who was available during the day was Chris.

"I'm home." Jack entered the house with a bouquet of red roses and a chocolate box. He would have shopped when he brought the flowers and chocolate, but John insisted on going to the store alone when Jack was home. He knew it was the only exercise John got now that he wasn't allowed to swim in the lake after his weak attempt to drown himself.

He opened the door and made his way to the living room where both John and Chris were. They were playing chess, but what surprised him was that John was blindfolded while he played. It was clearly to make the game fairer to Chris. They were both quiet when they played, but now they both needed to concentrate and remember what the board looked like as they moved their pieces.

"I moved my knight to A 6, check," John said after a long while of thinking. Chris moved his hands on the board to feel if it was true, but was careful to not destroy anything. They moved some pieces again, it was Chris's turn to get check but both the brothers seemed to have a tactic. The game continued. Jack was looking at the intense chess game. It was exciting, he had no idea how the brother's thought when they played against each other. He had never seen a chess game like it before.

"Checkmate," John finally said with a big grin on his face. Chris moved his hand on the board again and sighed when he realized that he had lost to John a second time that day. He looked bitter. He was a bad loser, as always. But then again neither of the brothers took losing against the other well. Jack leaned in closer to the board to understand the moves, but soon understood he had no chance whatsoever to understand what just had happened. The brothers had yet again spiced the game up a little by using other rules which in some aspects made it easier but mostly made it impossible to follow.

It wasn't until now, when Chris had risen, he could see what the man was wearing. Except for a shirt and a bow tie he wore a pair of uncomfortable jeans that looked more like River's size than his. He didn't need to ask, it was clear that his wife made him walk in her pants for her. He got a feeling that John would to the same to him when he was feeling better.

"Do you plan to eat here?" Jack asked but Chris shook his head as he was preparing to leave. John stood by his side and helped him with his shoes.

"River planned to make some fish custard, and I don't think she would appreciate it if I stayed for dinner with you. She still has some grudges against you," Chris said. He was searching for his walking stick in the hall but John was holding it to help his brother.

"I don't want you to walk alone home, I know it is just across the street. John will follow you home, he wanted to go to the shop today. I want you back six, don't be late. Don't walk where there is no other people around you, and keep your phone with you at every time," Jack said and kissed his husband good bye. He watched how the brother left the house. He was still afraid to leave him to long alone, knowing it was still a possibility that he would try to kill himself again. He tried to not think of John that way, he was stronger now and happier than before. Everything showed he was on the road to recovery again.

John said goodbye to his brother and followed the road to the store, not too far away from the house. Jack had given him a checklist to remember everything that he would buy for the household. He was standing beside the bananas as he checked the list one last time before he would made his way to the pay desk. The list said nothing about bananas but he couldn't help himself from buying a bag of the fruit. The bananas from the TARDIS had all been destroyed with time, as no one took care of them.

He made a sound of relief when he figured he had everything they needed for the time being. He turned around and grabbed his cart filled with items. He paid for the items and ate a banana as made his way back home. John was in his own little world to notice the outside world until he walked right in the arms of someone familiar. The man who was holding him refused to let him go. He was panicking when he tried to get out from the grip. The other man was too strong.

"Hello there, Doctor John Smith. Long time no see. Your cute little boy toy told me to stay away from you. He told me to leave. As if that's ever going to happened. I'm not leaving you behind." John's heart was beating hard when he recognized the voice. He didn't think he would ever meet Rickston again, but he had been wrong. His heart was beating fast as the cold sweat ran down his body. He tried to scream for help when he understood fighting the other man was useless. He bit Rickston hard when the man tried to cover his mouth with his hand. The other man groaned in pain and punched him down to the street. John tried to crawl away and get up on his feet as fast as possible but Rickton grabbed him and held him down.

John was shaking in fear when he saw a syringe in Rickton's hand. It was clearly not a coincidence that they met on the street. He tried a last time to push the stronger man off him, but knew it was over when he felt the sharp object pierce trough his skin. He tried a last time to scream for Jack but he didn't hear his call. He should have listened to Jack and chosen a road where more people walked.

"Jack," he whispered with tears in his eyes as he slowly lost consciousness.


	14. Chapter 14

Jack was waiting for John. He tried to stay patient but as the time went by he slowly lost all of it. It was six o'clock and John still wasn't home. He walked nervously around the apartment. He tried to call John but no one answered. His heart was racing as he was thinking about how his husband had succeeded in killing himself. He tried to push the thought away, but the image of John's slit wrists were buried to deep in his mind for him to ever forget. It had happened to many times.

He waited almost a half an hour before he decided to go over to the Song household to see if he had decided to stay over without calling him first. He was constantly watching his phone as he walked to the Song's door and knocked. He had called John almost ten times and sent a lot of massages but no one answered them.

River gave him a dark look when she realized who had been knocking at the door during their dinner. She wanted to slam the door in Jack's face but handled the situation in a grownup kind of way.

"What do you want," she asked in a strained calm voice. Her emotions for him were clear, she wanted him to fuck off and leave them alone.

"Is John here?" Jack asked. His heart sank when River shook her head. She looked worried, but tried to stay calm.

"Call me if you find him, I won't tell Chris until tomorrow. Be careful," she whispered. The last thing Jack could here before the door closed was a loud bump, like someone was wrecking the place and Chris calling River for help. He would have laughed at Chris's clumsiness if it wasn't for his worry over John. He didn't trust his husband to be alone for too long.

He didn't want to involve Torchwood in the matter, but if his husband wasn't home before the next day, then he didn't have a choice. He searched for John at the store and asked the workers to let him see CCTV footage during the day. The workers didn't let him in the beginning until he showed them his Torchwood badge. They gave him a drink while he was watching the footage carefully. He found John on the tape, he looked healthier now. He smiled when he saw his husband choose a big bunch of bananas. His heart almost stopped when he saw Rickston on the tape, stalking John. John's head was to far up in the clouds for him to notice that he was being followed. The last he saw of John on the footage was John choosing the longer way home, the one where only a few people walked. He swore as he grabbed his coat and rushed out from the store.

He was out of breath when he finally made it to the street where John had been taken. Jack wanted to throw up when he saw the items laying on the ground. He could see that John planned to make a chocolate cake for the next morning when the family would be reunited again. He saw John's wedding ring on the ground. He couldn't keep his tears inside anymore and it wasn't long until he had broken down on the ground. He held the ring with a tight grip. He had been so stupid, did he really think that everything would be fine if he just threatened the bastard. He should have arrested the rapist, he could have gotten all the authorities to do it, thanks to his position in Torchwood. Why he hadn't done it was beyond even him. John was now suffering the consequences for his stupid actions.

Jack was going to kill Rickston. He wiped his tears and let the anger fuel him. He hurried home to grab his gun before he headed for Torchwood. He didn't have the time to wait until the morning now that he knew what had happened to his husband. He called the gang, Owen first refused to let Toshiko go, because it had only been two months since her delivery, and she was still relived from duty. He gave up when Jack insisted for her to come and it was Owen in the end who needed to stay home.

"Toshiko, I want you to hack on to the CCTV and see what happened in these areas during the last few hours, I want you to follow my husband's route from the store," he told Toshiko as he was pacing nervously around in the hub. Gwen tried to comfort him like she usually did with the relatives who had lost someone near them. Jack didn't want her comfort. He didn't want anyone's comfort. All he wanted was to find John and kill Rickston.

He was drinking some of Ianto's magical coffee just for sake of passing some time as he waited for the results that didn't take to long. He watched the footage of how John was eating a banana as he walked home. Rickston wasn't stalking behind John anymore which made him relived for a while until he saw how John walked right into the rapist arms. He watched how his husband struggled and there was a moment where he thought he would see his husband getting raped on the street. His heart was pounding hard when he saw the syringe in Rickston's hand. He could feel his husbands fear when the needle pierced through the skin of his arm. He just knew John had been screaming for him the whole time. He touched his husband's face on the monitor like his husband could feel his touch. Jack wanted to turn the screen off when he saw how Rickston lifted John's limp body. He saw how Rickston threw something on the ground, most defiantly his wedding ring.

Jack was resting his head against his hand when the horrific scene was over. All of them knew John and they all were taking it on a personal level. He ordered Toshiko to follow them with the use of the CCTV. He knew it would take a while for the genius to find him, but he knew she would eventually find the route. Jack had told River what had happened, she had offered her help but he didn't take it. He didn't want her to leave her blind husband and the kids. He had to deal with the task of explaining to his children that their daddy wouldn't be home for a while, that he had gone missing but Jack would find him so they could be together again. Gwen had volunteered to do it for him, but Jack insisted it was his responsibility as a dad to tell them. All he could do now was the wait, and it was slowly driving him mad.


	15. Chapter 15

John was in a panic when he woke up surrounded by darkness. He could feel that the area he was laying in was limited. He couldn't move his body. Ropes were tightly tied around his wrist, ankles, arms and legs making his already limited space more restricted. The ropes would leave burns, he had a lot of experience being tied down for a long period of time, sometimes in smaller areas than this one. The area reminded him of the box, a wooden box in front of the bed that the Master would lock him in bounded if he was misbehaving. He believed that he was back in his old relationship, and the time with Jack was just a dream. The smell of gas told him that he was kept in a car and the damp sound of the engine told him that the car was moving. He tried to scream but something was gagging him. He tried to kick the tailgate open but only managed to get the attention of his captor.

The car stopped and John could hear someone getting closer to the car. The tailgate opened. It was too dark for him to see who it was, but he knew the voice well. He never really understood what Rickston told him, but he received a hard hit on his head causing him to lose conscious again.

He was in a lot of pain the next time he woke up. He was chained naked to a bed. It was clear that Rickston wouldn't let him go. The chains were causing him pain. His wrists had almost healed, but they were still sore. He didn't like to get touched there, not even by Jack. He looked around him to find a way to escape. The design of the room told him that they were in a cabin. Last time he had slept in one they had been on a skiing vacation with Jack, River and Christopher in Norway near "Dålig Ulv stranden" or "Bad wolf bay". They had rented two cabins, so the pairs would get some private time in the evenings. They hadn't been sleeping at all during the nights. The atmosphere had been perfect for sweet nights loving each other.

There was no windows in the room and the door must be locked, the doors were always locked. He was stuck with no chance of escaping. His head was hung low, like he had given up all hope. Tears fell down his cheeks as he tried to keep himself calm. He didn't want to cry.

John tried to look away when Rickston entered the room, but the man soon forced him to look in his eyes. He was shaking but tried to look undisturbed, in a hope that Rickston would lose his interest in him. He of course knew that he would die if the man lost interest in him but he didn't care. He wanted to die, he didn't want this pitiful life. His daughters would grow up to be strong independent women if they didn't have their mentally unstable daddy in the picture. Jack was capable of taking care of the children on his own. Jack wouldn't be alone, he had of course Chris there with him, his brother would replace him in no time. He was still hurt by Jack's unfaithfulness and had a grudge against his brother, but he didn't show it. He could bottle it all up. All he wanted was to have a family, he didn't want the drama.

"You can scream all you want, no one knows you're here. There is no one around, your cute little boy toy won't find you. Not even with the help of his so called Torchwood. You're all mine now." He could feel how Rickston was touching his body. He tried to kick the other man but his legs were chained to the bed making it impossible for him to move.

"Why? Why do you keep doing this to me?" John asked and tried to stay strong when he felt the hand touching his private areas. He wanted to close his eyes and forget everything but he needed to look the man in his eyes. He knew a normal person wouldn't keep doing this to someone if he was a sane person. He needed to understand why it was happening, if he had ever done something to Rickston to deserve what was happening to him.

"Because I can. Tell me. Do you want your little boy toy to find your whole body, or do you want me to give him a fun little game and hide pieces of your body all over London so Torchwood can see if they could put you back in to one piece again?" Rickston was whispering in John's ear to freak him out. It was working, but he didn't want to show it.

"You're sick, think of your son. How would he react when he knows what you have done to me. Don't make his father in to a killer. Just let me go, I won't charge you with anything and I won't let Jack get to you. Think of your son." John was usually better with words but he couldn't think straight. He was panicking and breathing hard. This was worse than he feared, the man was sick in the head. He had a feeling that he wouldn't leave.

"Who said anything about killing you? We both know it's you who is going to commit suicide, why do you think I have you restrained? Let's face it, if I left you here untied with a loaded gun, then you wouldn't wait for me to comeback so you could kill me. You would blow your head off before I came back." John bit his lip hard when he knew what Rickston was saying was the truth. He would kill himself if he got the chance to. He was stiff when Rickston touched his body and he tried to switch his mind off like he was used to, but he couldn't. All the talking touching and kissing with his husband had made him more sensitive again. He couldn't escape like the other times.

John bit Rickston hard when the man tried to kiss him. He knew it was useless, but he didn't want to go down without a fight. He was scared of the man, but he didn't want to give Rickston the pleasure by showing it. The other man hit him hard when he resisted and he thought that Rickston would kill him when he bit him. He knew this was going to be a rough night. He could see a box in the corner of his eyes. It looked exactly like the wooden box the Master used to lock him up in back when they were a couple. He just knew he would spend the night there for biting him.


	16. Chapter 16

John didn't know how long he had been in the cabin, but he knew it had been a long time. Rickston wasn't always with him. The other man usually left him after he had fed him and slept with him. He refused to eat the first times, but he soon learned that food was a rare thing. He was just given enough to be kept alive. His arms and legs hurt from the position he was forced to lay in while he waited to either getting feed, fucked or permission to use the toilet. He had at one point made a mess in the bed, but learned fast to not do it again no matter how badly he needed to go. The punishment after wasn't worth it.

He felt dead inside. His life with Jack seemed so far away, the pain was his only reality. Even if Rickston abused him a lot, it was never so bad that he needed to go to the hospital which meant that the maniac was planning to keep him. He tried to ignore Rickston every time he came by, but it only annoyed the man even more.

He was surprised when his hand became free when he was fighting the restraints like he did when he was bored and needed to do something to pass the time. He didn't stop to think. He just grabbed a coat that was hanging beside the front door before he rushed out from the cabin. He was afraid that it was a trap, but knew this was his only way from the crazy person. He wished he had his phone so he could call Jack but Rickston had thrown it away so Jack couldn't trace the phone that had GPS built in it. It was dark, he couldn't see a thing as he ran through the forest away from the cabin beside the lake. He had tried to escape many times before, but this was the furthest he ever had made it. Normally he wouldn't even make it out from the cabin.

His bare feet hurt, he had never run through a forest without shoes before. The branches on the ground hurt his feet and it didn't take too long before the sharp rocks on the ground had cut his feet open. He scratched his knee when he stumbled over a root but he kept going. He knew he was bleeding a lot, not just from his feet and knee, also from his back. Rickston was always rough with him. He was relieved when he finally found a road. He made himself believe that he could found his way back to London and find Jack again. He smiled for the first time in a long time when he thought of Jack. Jack always made him feel safe and loved.

He tried to orientate his way from the cabin in his mind. He finally decided which way he would go, he had chosen to walk to his right. He tried to make himself believe that everything was going to be all right until he saw the light of a car. He was afraid of who it was so he tried to back away but the driver had already seen him. He could see how the car picked up speed as he tried to flee into the forest. The car stopped and Rickston stepped out from the car with a baseball bat in his arms. He had a feeling that Rickston was in a bad mood and planned to take his anger out by beating him with the bat. His feet hurt when he ran through the forest and Rickston was faster than him. He didn't have the energy to escape from the mad man.

Rickston beat him down with the bat. He had hit his head hard, but not hard enough to knock him out cold. He received some hard hits before he finally stopped. John was staring at Rickston with scared eyes as he begged him to stop. He spit out some blood as the other man picked him up in his arms and carried his light body back to the car where he laid him down in the back seat. The drive back to the cabin wasn't long at all, he hadn't been anywhere near safety.

He was soon back in the bed, this time with the shackles so tight that it almost cut of his blood supply to the hands.

"You won't escape me, Doctor," Rickston told him and sat down to eat the food he had brought for his prisoner. It was all to make him desperate for the food, which worked. John was soon begging Rickston to get little from the lasagna that he was eating. Rickston grinned when it worked.

"Ok, just because I'm a nice person I going to let you eat," Rickston told him and laid the food on the floor. He was always fed on the floor to make him feel less worth than a human being. The Master used to call him dog. He was always treated as a dog, Rickston reminded him so much of the Master, sometimes he believed it was him, but he soon remembered that his old partner was dead. He blamed himself for his death. Everyone around him always got hurt or killed because of him, he didn't deserve to live. Jack had fooled him that life could have some happiness in it, but he understood that he would never be truly happy. The past hurt too much and was always hunting him.

Rickston didn't let him go yet. He raped him as always before a meal. It was a trade, food for pleasure and John was accepting it. He hated himself for letting someone other than Jack touch his body, but it was necessary if he wanted to live. It made him think, why did he keep going, he could just refuse to eat the food and starve to death. He wanted to die either way, this was just the slow and painful way. He deserved the painful way, Jack wouldn't miss him, he would always have Chris by his side.

John was just about to turn his head away to refuse the food when he was reminded what kept him fighting. He couldn't do this to Jack or his daughters. It was his duty as a husband and a father to keep fighting for his family. He gave Rickston entrance to his body and tried to distance himself from his body as the man was moving inside him.

Rickston just laughed at him when they were finished. He ate the rest of the food in front of the other man, mocking him that he really believed he was so easily forgiven. He got a beating with the baseball bat instead of food.

"I saw your boy toy today. It made me wonder, do you think he wants a treasure hunt?" he asked as he smashed the bat down at his body again. Rickston was angry, and he had been planning to kill him today. He just knew it. He closed his eyes tightly as the bat was shattering his bones in his body. Rickston was going to kill him in a slow and painful way.


	17. Chapter 17

Jack had a hard time living with himself without John. It had broken him when Toshiko couldn't track the car when it left the city. John had been gone for almost four months now and he was slowly losing hope. John was a missing person. Gwen had done everything she could for him. He wanted to thank the woman for her effort but he couldn't stop worrying about John. He wasn't even sure if he was still alive. The next time he saw Rickston he was going to kill him, even if they were in front of other people.

Life was hard without John. He was taking care of their daughters alone. He wanted to drink but he kept thinking about the girls and John, they all needed him. The girls asked Jack if he would find their daddy soon. They wanted him back.

Jack was dressing the girls in two identical dresses. Jack had brought the dresses to the girls long before his whole affair with Chris. They both loved when the girls looked the same and the girls loved to confuse the kindergarten teachers by being each other.

He smiled at the girls and told them to spin around so he could see how the dresses moved on their small bodies. He tried to be his best in front of the girls, he needed to be strong for them. He helped the girls with their shoes when Violet finally spoke. He had learned that Violet wasn't a big talker. It could be weeks between the times when she decided to speak. They knew she was happy, and there was nothing wrong with her, she simply didn't like to speak.

"Has daddy left us with the tall stranger?" She asked making Jack a bit sick. He understood that the girls had seen Rickston raping John, but he didn't want to believe what they said.

"Sarah told us that her mummy was kissing and playing grownup games with someone else than their daddy. Daddy is kissing and playing grownup games with the tall stranger. Doesn't daddy want to be with us anymore?" Joanie asked and filled in her sister's words. Violet had said hers, she didn't need to say anything more.

Jack didn't know what he should say. He didn't want to tell the poor girls that their daddy was raped, but they believed that John had left them and didn't want them. He didn't know how he should explain it to the girls so they would understand.

"Do you remember the grownup movies daddy and I watch, the ones you think are scary?" Joanie nodded and waited for Jack to continue. "It is just like the movies. Someone has taken daddy away from us, and papa is going to find him. Papa is just like the hero in the movie."

He didn't know if the girls understood, but he was glad that they weren't afraid that he had left him for someone else and didn't want them. He held the girls hands as he went to get Chris. Both of the families needed to shop, but River was home sick and very pregnant while Amy and Rory were back in Leadworth for the time being. The Scottish woman didn't care about Chris's blindness, she had still kicked the crap out of him for being unfaithful to her daughter. She had of course forgiven him in the end, they were good friends.

Chris was sitting beside him as they drove the store. They hadn't been alone with each other in a really long time. The situation was really awkward.

"Still wearing Rivers pants I see, she still hasn't cut you some slack?" Chris smiled and shook his head.

"I will have to walk in her pants until I die, and then some more. Sometimes her high heels. I hate the high heels." They were both laughing for a while. It was nice to see Chris happy. He had been so worried for John that he had a hard time relaxing. He was staring to deal with the fact that his brother was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it for the time being.

Jack parked the car outside the store and was about to help Chris out of the car when he saw the other man try to do it by himself, only resulting in falling down on the ground. Jack sighed to himself and helped the other man back to his feet. "Looks like I need to take care of three children inside the store."

Chris looked frustrated. He hated being blind. His life was perfect before the accident. He had literally everything he ever wanted and more. He couldn't play football like he used to. Everything was harder and he needed to put effort in everything he did. He wanted to blame Jack for everything that went wrong in his life, but he knew it was unfair. He was as guilty as Jack if not guiltier. He didn't want Jack's help and was about to push the hand away when he came back to his senses. Jack was only helping him, he needed to accept his weakness.

Jack helped Chris back on his feet. He let the girls out from the car and guided the blind man in to the store. He was carrying two baskets. One for Chris and one for himself. Joanie wanted to eat macaroni with cheese, but Jack had no idea how he would make it. They usually ate out, but the girls missed home cooked meals. Jack missed it to, but he was a catastrophe in the kitchen. John had banned him from the oven for ever.

He soon decided that macaroni with cheese wasn't that hard. He could make it. He could always call Ianto if he failed to badly on the dish. He was choosing some candy for himself and the girls when Chris grabbed his arm. He looked nervous.

"It feels like someone is watching us." Jack looked around them but found nothing. He laid his arm around Chris shoulders to calm him down.

"No one is watching us," he reassured Chris. He carried Chris's bag when they had paid for the items. They were all back in the car. They talked more during the trip home, mainly of football. They both still enjoyed the sport, even if both of them had stopped playing. Jack needed to take care of the children when he wasn't working. He couldn't take the girls to practice so he decided to stop.

Jack was doing his best with the dinner when Toshiko called him. His heart were beating hard when she told him that she had found Rickston in the city, in the store they had just been in. He hurried out to the car after he had left the children with River and Chris only saying something about John. Toshiko helped him find the car and he was driving after the man he wanted to murder. He stalked him through the woods, but was careful so Rickston wouldn't notice him. The man looked too angry to notice that someone was following him.

He swore when he lost the car when the road split in two. He had been too careful. He closed his eyes and chose one of the roads. He became more frustrated when he had chosen the wrong way. The road was sealed off. All he could do was turn around and pick up the speed.

After a long drive, he finally found Rickston's car parked outside a cabin. Just like the one they had rented in Norway. He doubted John ever wanted to see a cabin again. They both had enjoy their trip in Norway.

Jack hurried out from the car and kicked the door opened. He could clearly hear the sound of something wooden shattering bones and flesh. He pulled out his gun and entered the room as fast as he could. He saw how John was chained to the bed with no chance of defending himself from Rickston and the baseball bat. John was clearly unconscious if not dead, but it still didn't stop the bastard. He continued to hit the limp body without even noticing Jack until he fired his gun. He didn't give Rickston a chance, he had shot him through the head. He dropped his gun and hurried to John's side. He could see from the blood on his feet that his husband had tried to escape. He didn't need to be a doctor to understand that Rickton had broken some of his bones. He looked horrible. Like he was already dead.

He was thankful when he heard John's fast breathing. He had a hard time breathing but it was still something. Jack called the hospital as fast as he could. He was glad when they could pick them up with a helicopter. The area was a popular place to go on adventures. They had many accidents there so they had cut down some trees in the area so they could land a helicopter there if someone got hurt. They were near the lake so the helicopter could land just beyond the cabin.

Jack used his coat to cover his husband's naked body. He waited patiently on the help to come. He hugged John but was careful not to cause him more pain than he already was in. He held his hand as he was begging him to stay with him. His heart almost stopped when he felt how the other hand gripped his. He looked surprised down at John's face. He could clearly see that his husband was watching him. He didn't understand how the other person could be conscious. He was in more pain than a human could stand, but he was still aware of what was happening around him. Sometimes Jack really believed that John was a Time Lord, but he knew his husband was human.

"I knew you would find me," John whispered as his breathing became slower. He was giving up but Jack wouldn't let him. He held John's hand as the sound of a helicopter was close by. It was landing just outside the cabin.

"Don't go, the help is here now. John just a little more, you can make it." He could feel how John dragged him down with his hurt arm, into a kiss. He lost the grip but Jack was fast to grip it again. He closed his arms as the paramedics entered the room with a stretcher. They picked John's abused body up and took him to the helicopter. They told him that another one was on the way to pick up the body. Jack needed to get to the hospital by himself.

He broke the speed limit big time when he rushed to the hospital. He waited for the results that never seemed to come. He finally got the good news at dawn. John was alright and he was awake. He had received some blows to the head, but it was not as bad as they feared. He would recover physically in no time.


	18. Chapter 18

John's body recovered as predicted in no time. He had just been in the hospital for a week and it didn't take to long for his body to heal. Jack believed that John was more suicidal as ever, but the incident with Rickston had just made him stronger. He understood that his family needed him and he tried to do his best to keep the family going. He would still wake up in panic, ready to end it all, but Jack could always talk sense in to him. But Rickston had also made him more paranoid than ever. He didn't want Jack to leave the house. He couldn't sleep if the doors or the windows weren't locked. He was afraid of being on his own and he believed that someone was about to take him away from Jack, or take the girls away from them. He had a hard time trusting Chris and River, but he didn't trust Amy or Jack's colleagues at all. He never wanted a stranger near the children and he would have made the girls quit kindergarten if it wasn't for Jack promising him that the girls were safe there.

Jack was surprised when John wanted to kiss him. He had believed that his husband was to scarred from what had happened to ever wanted to do something sexual again. He was wrong, almost the night after the last bandages had come off he had been all over Jack and kissed him deeply. He had been pulling at Jack's clothes when Jack tried to stop him. He didn't want to rush John. John had just shut him up and pulled the other man over him so he could feel his closeness. Jack was careful with his husband's body that night so he wouldn't hurt him unintentionally.

The children loved having their daddy back, but they could also see that something was wrong. Jack took a deep breath and decided to take Owen's advice that he had been given a long time ago, but ignored.

"John, I want you to see a psychologist again. I think it would be good for you. And all of us." John didn't look convinced. He didn't trust strangers at all and the idea of going to talk about what had happened to a stranger once a week sounded like Jack's stupidest idea ever. He protested against it for a long time until he finally gave in. Jack drove him to his sessions every week. He didn't talk the first time because he didn't trust the woman at all, but as the time went by, he started to open up more. He was soon diagnosed with PPD or paranoid personality disorder. Due to his paranoia he got medicine to help him deal with the situation. Jack had suspected it all along. John had shown some of the symptoms. He believed that the neighbors were out to get him and the children.

John was more stable when he was taking the pills and less suspicious of everyone who was passing by on the street. He was taking good care of their daughters again but he was still afraid of someone breaking in to the house so they agreed, to the children's delight, to get a puppy to guard the house. They called the new dog spot, because of his big black spot on his brown coat. John could sleep better during the night when he knew there was someone guarding the children.

Jack felt hope when he saw John looking through some old stuff. He was smiling and sometimes laughing as he read something in a binder.

"What are you reading?" he asked and was getting curious about what his husband was reading.

"Your old assignments, from first grade to the last," John said and showed Jack his old text. Almost all of them were bad, until they got to the last years were John had helped him to clear the course.

"I remember this one. You'd been sulking for a week, and were reading this one. You used some nasty language and were still sulking until I decided to fix your attitude. I must be the first student to spank my teacher in the classroom for sulking." Jack was holding the torn apart paper that John had taped together. It was clearly a precious memory for John.

The twins were about to start school when John tried to get his life back together again. The school welcomed him back and he tried his best to not look as suspicious and paranoid. The pills helped him a lot and he was soon his old teacher self again. He still loved teaching, but he had a hard time bonding with the student like he used to. He was still a popular teacher with the students, but he didn't make as many friends with the other teachers as he used to. He was too paranoid to let anyone he didn't know in.

Jack had quit his job early to spend some alone time with his husband when the children were in school. He knew John was free that day, but he would still have some assignments to read. He wanted to massage his lover's body while he read the papers. The teacher would usually forget to read and end up sleeping with Jack on the sofa or where ever they were. He stepped inside the house and locked the door after him. He knew John was home but didn't find him anywhere in the house. He was afraid that John had tried to commit suicide again and succeeded this time. The last place he looked was the office.

He was surprised when he found John inside without any pants or underwear. They wear neatly folded beside the desk on a chair. He was sitting on the desk and looked down with a guilty look, he had the paddle and the riding crop beside him. He waited for his husband to enter the room for a punishment. Jack hadn't spanked him since John ditched them at the bar. He believed the disciplining was over after everything that had happened but John clearly didn't want it. He stopped himself from smiling to not destroy the moment of seriousness. This was a serious room, mainly used to discipline John, nothing else. If John had walked inside their voluntarily, then he had done something really bad. He saw the riding crop and the paddle, he understood it was really serious if he believed he deserved both of them in one go. He made the sign that showed that John could explain why he was there.

"I was behaving really badly for a while and you still let me go. I lied to you almost every day and I swore in front of the children. I was disrespecting and gave you far more attitude than what's okay. I know it was a while back, but I understand I still need to be punished for my actions. Don't hold back, I don't deserve it." Jack nodded and grabbed the paddle, he would use the riding crop later. He knew his husband needed the harsh treatment to behave. He was going to continue until John would ask him to stop.

"Bend over the desk, don't look back. You're right, you deserve this. Doctor." Their life was almost back to normal again. John was his Doctor again.


	19. Chapter 19

John was awoken by the sound of steps from the other house. It had almost been 12 years since the incident with Rickston Slade. He still looked young, but Jack was staring to notice some gray hair. Jack helped him to color it back to brown again. The only part that looked old, were his eyes. They were filled with so much pain and sorrow.

The twins were now 18 years old. Jack and him had moved inside the TARDIS to give the girls some privacy and get some to. They wanted to sleep with each other where ever they wanted without worrying about the girls walking in on them. It had happened and it was really embarrassing for all of them. The twins didn't live alone in the apartment. Their youngest son James lived there to. He had been two years old when Jack and John decided to adopt him. He was Jack's sister's firstborn son, but since the Harkness family were famous for getting in trouble the child had been taken from her when they decided that she was not fit to take care of the child. The only family who could take care of him was Jack. Jack was skeptical at first, but John had welcomed the child with open arms which was a good sign. He was still paranoid, but he didn't seem to suspicious about him. He was now nine years old and he already looked like a little copy of Jack.

"There's someone in the house," John said as he shook Jack awake from his sleep. His husband didn't look to happy about being awakened in the middle of the night.

"It is just the dog, go back to sleep," Jack told him and tried to kiss him but John grabbed his arm. He looked serious.

"Jack, I know how everyone sounds when they are walking around in the house, even the dog. There is someone here." Jack gave up and helped John up to show him that there was no one in the children's house who would hurt them. They saw Joanie on the stairs, she was smuggling in her boyfriend to her room. Jack didn't care about their daughters sleeping with boys, but John had a different view on it. He didn't trust her boyfriend at all. He gave the teens a dark look. Joanie was all grown up now. Her hair was long and dark, but she usually were it in a ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way of her physical activities. She had taken after Jack and enjoyed football, but she was playing ice hockey in the winter season. She loved running like John, being locked inside her room was not her thing and it showed on her body. She looked like she was in a great shape.

"What do you think you two are going? I have told you, no boys in your room after nine," John told her. Joanie looked annoyed as they were fighting. Both of them had a strong will and neither of them wanted to give up. They both turned to Jack to get his opinion in the matter. Jack sighed and gave his daughter a condom.

"Just be careful okay. I remember how it was being your age. Don't scare you papa by becoming pregnant, let's save that until you're married," he told his daughter and waved good night to her. He was half dragging his protesting husband back to the bed.

"She's 18, she knows what she is doing. Let's go back to sleep." John gave up and snuggled beside Jack after they had taken off their bathrobes. Both of them liked to sleep naked during the nights.

"I can't sleep," he said after a while.

"Do you want me to help you?" Jack asked making him nod. He kissed John and laid himself on top of his husband.

John was up when the sun rose. He had helped his husband with his morning problems as usual and dressed himself with his blue suit and a red tie. They walked together down to the breakfast table were Violet already was eating some cornflakes beside her brother who watched cartoons. Her hair was messy as usual, but she didn't seem to care. She wasn't in a great shape like her sister, sports wasn't really her thing. Her glasses were almost down on her nose tip as she was reading on her eReader. The dog was keeping her feet warm by lying on top of them. Jack said good morning to the children but no one seemed to care. John ate a banana sandwich while Jack was eating bacon and eggs that John had fried for him. It was soon time for them to leave. It was Jack's turn to take James to school. The boy turned off the TV.

"I'll go and wake Joanie up," Both Violet and the Doctor were blushing. Jack stopped him before he would go up and get his childhood destroyed.

"Let's just let her sleep, she came home late last night." James nodded and waited for Jack to eat up so they could go to school.

"Jack, can you pick me up at school today? My phone isn't working so come to my classroom. You know where it is." Jack nodded and gave him a kiss before he hurried away to drive to school. He gave Chris and River's youngest daughter, Clara, a lift to school too. She was a little older than James but they got along great. They were almost best friends.

Nothing had really changes around Torchwood during the 12 years. He had been close to losing his job when he had killed Rickston, but it was forgotten when it was clear that he had done it to save a life. He left at the normal time and drove to the school were John still worked. It felt like he was going to class again. He had brought a red apple just for old time's sake. He entered the classroom where only John were sitting, expect for sitting behind the teacher's desk, he was sitting behind one of the students desk. He had written "I will not lie to my husband," fifty times on the blackboard and was continuing to write the rest of the fifty in a note book. He had cleaned the desk of the papers and laid a paddle right where he could see it when he wrote. It was then Jack remembered that they got interrupted by Chris before he could discipline John for lying to him.

"Don't believe you will get away by just writing a sentence, Doctor. Take off your pants and bend over." John did as he was told. He grabbed the end of the desk to deal with the pain better. He was crying like last time he had been spanked in a classroom. Jack made him write an essay about how bad lying was but he didn't let John go after that. He bent him over the desk again when the teacher was finished and continued the punishment, to make the message really sink in to his head.

John was trusting Jack again 100%. They promised each other to never keep something behind the other ones back again. John agreed to always tell Jack if something were wrong, they didn't need him suicidal again, and Jack promised to never be unfaithful again.

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I want to thank everyone who was read the story and given me support. I want also to give a special thanks to Abby. I hope you all have enjoyed the story.


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